Ok - this is serious - objectively my life has got a whole lot better, even the weather has improved and it's beginning to look like spring. I have had a flu/viral thing for two weeks, but I am nearly better - and what I am wondering is this - why am I so anxious?
There is free-floating anxiety of course, but I seem to be suffering from a leaden, entrenched anxiety. In the last few days I have been reading novels as a distraction, but I am finding even the plots of the novels are feeding my anxiety. I can wake up feeling anxious about what I am going to cook for supper for heaven's sake. Even the most minor things will upset me. Having to make a decision is incredibly difficult.
I know that some of it is this endless cycle of repressing my feelings - and perhaps a lot of it is the apathy I've felt since I've been ill. But I HATE the way I feel now, I am taking no pleasure in anything - everything seems dull, even the crocuses in the garden, which are normally a great joy. I wish I had spoken to my GP about it - but what could he have done. Is this a case for CBT?
I feel so utterly grey - I feel as though even if an agent took my book on it wouldn't excite me. However, I am sure a lot of this is post-viral, and that I will come out of it. I remember feeling a bit like this back in 2009 after about 6 months of viruses. Suddennly I snapped out of it, spring arrived and I felt happy. I hope I don't have to have another spate of unrequited love to do it to me this time. I'm getting too old for this sort of disturbance.
There is free-floating anxiety of course, but I seem to be suffering from a leaden, entrenched anxiety. In the last few days I have been reading novels as a distraction, but I am finding even the plots of the novels are feeding my anxiety. I can wake up feeling anxious about what I am going to cook for supper for heaven's sake. Even the most minor things will upset me. Having to make a decision is incredibly difficult.
I know that some of it is this endless cycle of repressing my feelings - and perhaps a lot of it is the apathy I've felt since I've been ill. But I HATE the way I feel now, I am taking no pleasure in anything - everything seems dull, even the crocuses in the garden, which are normally a great joy. I wish I had spoken to my GP about it - but what could he have done. Is this a case for CBT?
I feel so utterly grey - I feel as though even if an agent took my book on it wouldn't excite me. However, I am sure a lot of this is post-viral, and that I will come out of it. I remember feeling a bit like this back in 2009 after about 6 months of viruses. Suddennly I snapped out of it, spring arrived and I felt happy. I hope I don't have to have another spate of unrequited love to do it to me this time. I'm getting too old for this sort of disturbance.
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