Well, the season to be jolly has been jolly hard work this year. Our fiscal preoccupations have somewhat suppressed our inclination to sparkle just now. The first party was on 7th December, I went reluctantly, having felt very gloomy that day. I stayed and drank for hours and saw two or three close friends and mostly talked to them... so it was nice, but I failed to be completely on "party mode" until I had drunk rather a lot. I came home and the next thing I knew it was morning - and I was wasting Sunday with a hangover! Ah well, I got up eventually and life went on.
We have had some relief since my father has lent me some money, Mark has been selling things on E-bay, I have done some babysitting, some shopkeeping and some care home work and made a massive £60 - plus nearly £50 for cakes and puddings... so trickles of money keep coming in thank God.
Yesterday was M's birthday - so we had the traditional feast - a bit down on last year's grandeur... due to illness our only guest was Stella - my birthday pres to M was not to respond to her provocations. I did fairly well. I notice she is having real trouble with her memory for words - quite a number seem to evade her - it was very noticable and worrying. She is talking about moving to Cardiff... she also said her will divides everything equally, which is a relief...if she moved to Cardiff we'd be unlikely to see her, but she does prefer Flora's girly family to our boy-based unit. She is puzzled by Finn's surliness - would like to see him smile. She approves of Ned, but chiefly we heard about how great the Jay boys were. Not difficult to be great when you have so much affluence and freedom in your life. Not fair to compare Finn with them, he's 16 and difficult - they are all over 20. The other factor is that they both know she's been unpleasant to me and are taking sides. Obviously it's nice to have one's children on one's side - but not if they are being unfair to someone else.
I seem to remember that last summer she was a bit unpleasant to me - but I'm not bothered now. M and the boys are still cross on my behalf. I think I said I would never entertain her again, but of course I couldn't do that. It would be cruel to keep an increasingly frail 88 year old away from her grandchildren - but you do understand how these rifts occur in families. All it needs is one person to be mildly offensive and one person to take deep offence - a magical, and frequently found combination. So I suppose I can say that my contribution to the Christmas spirit is the hospitality I'm giving her.
I had quite a long chat to her last night about nothing in particular. She has few interests outside her family - and unfortunately I don't share that interest - I like to hear about various people such as Minna, and Dora - and I am curious about the developments, but the showing-off elements repel me. Last night she was bragging about her brother John, who died of alcoholism basically. She is frantically trying to re-write history - death due to hospital malfeasance is her preferred version. He was very glamorous and I "would have loved him" - I said I probably wouldn't have, since I didn't really like action men, I preferred thoughtful, academically inclined men. Then she said "he married a dreadfully dull parson's daughter" - actually the daughter of a cathedral cannon, but the urge to put down is never far away! "Parson" being a particularly subtle haute-bourgeois insult - it means "Low Church" and therefore v.v. ungrand - not a gentleman. And clearly untrue... sigh! Despite her devotion to his memory she has very little devotion to his children - claiming the daughter "got out of coming to the funeral" because she "claimed to be looking after her mother" - she couldn't come to our Tom Taylor fest either for the same reason. Stella also repeats the canard that John's son is not really his... despite his remarkable family resemblance to various people. I really like him, he's a nice chap, and his wife is lovely too. S is also rather proud of her family's apparent commitment to rudeness and disdain.
So, when I say I have committed myself to the Christmas Spirit - it hasn't been totally easy... but I have done my best, and now I have undone it all again by moaning about her.
Next items on the agenda: a drink (I hope) with Jane, when she comes to collect her cake - and then we're all (the 4 of us) going to see the Hobbit film. Pizza tonight - and then tomorrow two parties - an hour or so at the care home (Sheree is carefully organising it) - and then over to S&K's. We were also invited to drinks at A's - it is his birthday - but we can't do that too...so perhaps he will come and eat with us on Monday.
I am looking forward to Christmas Eve this year - we are going to go to carols and the Latin Mass at St. Pugin's - then later go to the Reveillon at MN's - a nice group of chums and a few post-church drinks and snacks. Lovely idea - can't stay out too late though!
We have had some relief since my father has lent me some money, Mark has been selling things on E-bay, I have done some babysitting, some shopkeeping and some care home work and made a massive £60 - plus nearly £50 for cakes and puddings... so trickles of money keep coming in thank God.
Yesterday was M's birthday - so we had the traditional feast - a bit down on last year's grandeur... due to illness our only guest was Stella - my birthday pres to M was not to respond to her provocations. I did fairly well. I notice she is having real trouble with her memory for words - quite a number seem to evade her - it was very noticable and worrying. She is talking about moving to Cardiff... she also said her will divides everything equally, which is a relief...if she moved to Cardiff we'd be unlikely to see her, but she does prefer Flora's girly family to our boy-based unit. She is puzzled by Finn's surliness - would like to see him smile. She approves of Ned, but chiefly we heard about how great the Jay boys were. Not difficult to be great when you have so much affluence and freedom in your life. Not fair to compare Finn with them, he's 16 and difficult - they are all over 20. The other factor is that they both know she's been unpleasant to me and are taking sides. Obviously it's nice to have one's children on one's side - but not if they are being unfair to someone else.
I seem to remember that last summer she was a bit unpleasant to me - but I'm not bothered now. M and the boys are still cross on my behalf. I think I said I would never entertain her again, but of course I couldn't do that. It would be cruel to keep an increasingly frail 88 year old away from her grandchildren - but you do understand how these rifts occur in families. All it needs is one person to be mildly offensive and one person to take deep offence - a magical, and frequently found combination. So I suppose I can say that my contribution to the Christmas spirit is the hospitality I'm giving her.
I had quite a long chat to her last night about nothing in particular. She has few interests outside her family - and unfortunately I don't share that interest - I like to hear about various people such as Minna, and Dora - and I am curious about the developments, but the showing-off elements repel me. Last night she was bragging about her brother John, who died of alcoholism basically. She is frantically trying to re-write history - death due to hospital malfeasance is her preferred version. He was very glamorous and I "would have loved him" - I said I probably wouldn't have, since I didn't really like action men, I preferred thoughtful, academically inclined men. Then she said "he married a dreadfully dull parson's daughter" - actually the daughter of a cathedral cannon, but the urge to put down is never far away! "Parson" being a particularly subtle haute-bourgeois insult - it means "Low Church" and therefore v.v. ungrand - not a gentleman. And clearly untrue... sigh! Despite her devotion to his memory she has very little devotion to his children - claiming the daughter "got out of coming to the funeral" because she "claimed to be looking after her mother" - she couldn't come to our Tom Taylor fest either for the same reason. Stella also repeats the canard that John's son is not really his... despite his remarkable family resemblance to various people. I really like him, he's a nice chap, and his wife is lovely too. S is also rather proud of her family's apparent commitment to rudeness and disdain.
So, when I say I have committed myself to the Christmas Spirit - it hasn't been totally easy... but I have done my best, and now I have undone it all again by moaning about her.
Next items on the agenda: a drink (I hope) with Jane, when she comes to collect her cake - and then we're all (the 4 of us) going to see the Hobbit film. Pizza tonight - and then tomorrow two parties - an hour or so at the care home (Sheree is carefully organising it) - and then over to S&K's. We were also invited to drinks at A's - it is his birthday - but we can't do that too...so perhaps he will come and eat with us on Monday.
I am looking forward to Christmas Eve this year - we are going to go to carols and the Latin Mass at St. Pugin's - then later go to the Reveillon at MN's - a nice group of chums and a few post-church drinks and snacks. Lovely idea - can't stay out too late though!
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