So, as usual, one begins the New Year with a diet and a vow to exercise, a walk to the pool at least. And then I bought some new, sensible, comfortable shoes and began to walk around in them and they seemed fine. Then last Saturday, while we were at the cinema, seeing Carol (glorious cinematography, high production values and otherwise a tad vapid), my right foot began to hurt, in a place where it has hurt before, beneath the toes in the ball of my foot. It's tender and sore and it doesn't tolerate having weight put on it.
On Sunday I wasn't able to walk on it - going to the loo was painful. I stayed upstairs until Tuesday when I managed to limp downstairs. By this time the pain was shifting around my foot to different places. I went to the doctor. I told her that I hoped it was reactive arthritis, because I also had conjunctivitis. She said she didn't think it was, but wanted more blood tests as my inflammation
indicator was high. The following day I had the dreaded blood tests, dreaded because I have weedy, skinny little veins which hide deep in my body, and have to be coaxed to give blood. I took the precaution of drinking extra water (one phlebotomist told me this helped, another told me it was rubbish: on Wednesday it helped).
I was beginning to feel better, the pain had obligingly shifted to the top of my foot so it was easier to walk, although agony if my foot made contact with any thing like a chair leg or a table...I even walked back from the Library (5 minutes - uphill - an achievement). On Thursday things seemed set to get back to normal, the pain kept shifting, and I was still limping. On Friday during a memorial service I found that standing for all four verses of "How Great thou Art" was pretty unbearable... and my back was being difficult too. Then I went to have a scan at the local hospital. One of those lovely ones - internal and external, full bladder and empty bladder... the radiologist (or whatever you call them) said my endometrium had thickened, again. He thought there was "something there". Well, all my fond hopes that my foot was improving, and that the scan would put an end to my series of health appointments, were dashed, he said he would be recommending further scans and another coloscopy - and reminded me about the "granulation" they found last time, three years ago now?
I found today I was thinking, would I be delighted if I made it to 72? Would I rather have endless muscle/nerve pain or take the muscle relaxants and painkillers which have been implicated in Alzheimer's and Stroke? It doesn't matter so much really if I die now. I doubt whether my books have anything great in the way of insights to share with the world. It would be sad not to be there to support Finn and Ned and spend time with my grandchildren, but it would at least end my money worries. And yes, I am being a drama queen, I don't think I'm going to die this year, or even within the next 5 years. But it's the possibility hanging over one that is upsetting, and the pain I am feeling, which has gone up a level today, with new pain in my left ankle, making walking difficult again, that is reducing me to a state of self-pity and anxiety about the future.
What is to be done?
On Wednesday I began to do a bit of research about diet, anti-inflammatory diet seems basically to be a sort of Atkins, no gluten or sugar - lots of everything I like. Might have to start making my own mayo though. Of course there are dozens of diets online and mostly US websites, and all have subtly different lists of foods you should eat (mostly herbs and spices I'm happy to say). The one I like is called Dr. Mercola, a rather handsome bald Italian-American, I was on the website for over half an hour and they never tried to sell me anything. There is loads of information, and he's quite a health/food socialist in his way. There are lots of articles (I liked one on Rockefeller and how he made oil so dominant in the US, even infiltrating it into the Food business...(well, not Rockefeller personally - but he seems to have been at the beginning). So, I'm taking advice and seeing how it goes. M is cynical as usual, he prefers his own untested theories (the swelling is caused by some sort of blockage in my circulation?). I am going back to the doctor on Friday, but I am distressed because of the pain and a feeling that I am not better.
I talked to my friend P - who fears if may be fibromyalgia - is that what the mysterious invalid great aunt had? I just can't quite accept that. I was so happy on Weds/Thurs when it seemed to be getting better, I felt full of pzzazz... not I am down again. I have been complaining about brain fog for ages, but during the last week, I don't seem to have suffered it that much, so I'm hoping it isn't FM... the GP I saw (Bonnet) said she thought it might be a nerve thing... oh heck, surely too late to get MS.
On Sunday I wasn't able to walk on it - going to the loo was painful. I stayed upstairs until Tuesday when I managed to limp downstairs. By this time the pain was shifting around my foot to different places. I went to the doctor. I told her that I hoped it was reactive arthritis, because I also had conjunctivitis. She said she didn't think it was, but wanted more blood tests as my inflammationindicator was high. The following day I had the dreaded blood tests, dreaded because I have weedy, skinny little veins which hide deep in my body, and have to be coaxed to give blood. I took the precaution of drinking extra water (one phlebotomist told me this helped, another told me it was rubbish: on Wednesday it helped).
I was beginning to feel better, the pain had obligingly shifted to the top of my foot so it was easier to walk, although agony if my foot made contact with any thing like a chair leg or a table...I even walked back from the Library (5 minutes - uphill - an achievement). On Thursday things seemed set to get back to normal, the pain kept shifting, and I was still limping. On Friday during a memorial service I found that standing for all four verses of "How Great thou Art" was pretty unbearable... and my back was being difficult too. Then I went to have a scan at the local hospital. One of those lovely ones - internal and external, full bladder and empty bladder... the radiologist (or whatever you call them) said my endometrium had thickened, again. He thought there was "something there". Well, all my fond hopes that my foot was improving, and that the scan would put an end to my series of health appointments, were dashed, he said he would be recommending further scans and another coloscopy - and reminded me about the "granulation" they found last time, three years ago now?
I found today I was thinking, would I be delighted if I made it to 72? Would I rather have endless muscle/nerve pain or take the muscle relaxants and painkillers which have been implicated in Alzheimer's and Stroke? It doesn't matter so much really if I die now. I doubt whether my books have anything great in the way of insights to share with the world. It would be sad not to be there to support Finn and Ned and spend time with my grandchildren, but it would at least end my money worries. And yes, I am being a drama queen, I don't think I'm going to die this year, or even within the next 5 years. But it's the possibility hanging over one that is upsetting, and the pain I am feeling, which has gone up a level today, with new pain in my left ankle, making walking difficult again, that is reducing me to a state of self-pity and anxiety about the future.
What is to be done?
On Wednesday I began to do a bit of research about diet, anti-inflammatory diet seems basically to be a sort of Atkins, no gluten or sugar - lots of everything I like. Might have to start making my own mayo though. Of course there are dozens of diets online and mostly US websites, and all have subtly different lists of foods you should eat (mostly herbs and spices I'm happy to say). The one I like is called Dr. Mercola, a rather handsome bald Italian-American, I was on the website for over half an hour and they never tried to sell me anything. There is loads of information, and he's quite a health/food socialist in his way. There are lots of articles (I liked one on Rockefeller and how he made oil so dominant in the US, even infiltrating it into the Food business...(well, not Rockefeller personally - but he seems to have been at the beginning). So, I'm taking advice and seeing how it goes. M is cynical as usual, he prefers his own untested theories (the swelling is caused by some sort of blockage in my circulation?). I am going back to the doctor on Friday, but I am distressed because of the pain and a feeling that I am not better.
I talked to my friend P - who fears if may be fibromyalgia - is that what the mysterious invalid great aunt had? I just can't quite accept that. I was so happy on Weds/Thurs when it seemed to be getting better, I felt full of pzzazz... not I am down again. I have been complaining about brain fog for ages, but during the last week, I don't seem to have suffered it that much, so I'm hoping it isn't FM... the GP I saw (Bonnet) said she thought it might be a nerve thing... oh heck, surely too late to get MS.
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