Car-free is carefree?

That used to be a slogan Car-free is carefree and carefree is by Bus! that one saw on - Buses!

Well, I am about to re-discover the truth of that.  Yesterday when we went for our healthy walk in the Stodmarsh nature reserve (chief excitement - flights of greylag greese) - there was trouble with the car and we had to stop in a layby near the airport and call the RAC.   Sadly the head gasket is gone.  Even more sadly, we don't have the £946 estimated cost of repairs.  So we are parking it outside the house until we have the money to repair it.

This means I will have to do all the shopping on foot.... or by bus with an attendant child.  And that all leisure trips will have to be cancelled.   Our weekend trip to my father's for bonfire night will require a hire car... but £41 for the week end is affordable - just. 

Obviously we will be saving enormously on petrol (about £80-100 a month) - so that's something.  Perhaps if I put it aside in the savings we could repair the car by next August.

There is something terribly symbolic about not having a car, it puts one in the ranks of the uber-poor... I woke up worrying about it this morning, now I don't have to.  God knows when we will get it back.  M says he saw a Citroen estate for £600 on the side of the road... I don't think buying a new crock is the answer.   I feel rather as if everything we have is being stripped away - are we being taught a lesson?  I think we learned years ago about credit cards, we just couldn't get out of the habit.   Even now, I find myself thinking "well we could use the credit card" before I remember that we don't have one.  Perhaps once I have lost that knee-jerk thought we will be felt by the cosmic powers to have learned our lesson. 

At the moment we have about £150 in the bank, £400 in savings and a payment for £2,700 coming in on Wednesday.   And an awful lot of equity in the house that we can't use. We could try and sell and move somewhere smaller - but not in this market really.  M is going to sell a reasonably valuable old camera... damn, why couldn't we have been saved by the Iznik tile - but both Christies and Sotheby's think it's a 19thC replacement tile, made to restore a gap in a pattern.  Interesting really, perhaps more interesting - but not very valuable.   Actually, if you think of it, much more interesting, since it was a one-off - and it's been done well.  Not as mass-produced - or at least more individual than the proper ones.

If you're so smart, how come you ain't rich?

The Author vs. the Content

I just heard someone I knew talking on the radio: in fact he was doing "prayer for the day" - no doubt this is just a start - he'll be doing "Thought for the Day" on the Today programme (note to foreign readers: this is the 3-minute religious spot that occurs on the UK's most significant early morning news programme).  The thing is about this guy is that he sounds terribly convincing.  I was following what he said before I recognised him - and I thought "that's an interesting way of looking at it {Hallowe'en] - perhaps I should change my views".  It occurred to me that the change I would make to my views would make my life easier in some ways... and then I realised that it was Him - and I realised where this view came from.  I immediately felt that it was all a bit of a "snare and a delusion" - so I unthought it.

Actually, a few years ago, I felt envy towards this guy - he had a relatively smooth path to ordination - his worldliness didn't seem an obstacle - his PR skills were probably beneficial.  I was jealous that he'd achieved something I'd also wanted.  I don't have those feelings towards him now.   HOWEVER.... I do know something about his character and ability to deal with difficult situations, his care for others (or lack of it)... and this is why anything I hear him say on the radio - unless it has a ring of emotional truth and comes from personal experience - I cannot take without fitting to what I know about him - and as a result, I can't take his reasonable sounding pronouncements very seriously, because I know more about his character.

Now I have always felt that understanding the author didn't always feed one's understanding of the work.  I think finding out what a selfish git James Joyce was didn't really change my pleasure in reading Ulysses etc.  I definitely think of them as separate.  I know a lot about Virginia Woolf that I don't much like - but re-reading Mrs Dalloway recently was a great treat - and made me admire her more.

Now, this isn't the same.  Someone whose character I know, is making moral pronouncements - I know some of his shortcomings - so does that mean I needn't take any notice of what he says?  I have plenty of shortcomings, and I've never let that get in the way of providing an opinion on a moral question.  Actually I think it just means, that if I know someone is speaking out of their own shortcomings, then one doesn't listen to them.  Unfortunately, one can't know the shortcomings of all the persuasive speakers one hears - which makes it more difficult to judge what they say.    And of course everything they say is appealing to different aspects of one's nature - so one has to judge whether they are appealing to a good or bad part of one's nature, before being swayed by them.

This was meant to be a blog about Halloween, but perhaps I'll leave that until it has happened - no doubt trick and treaters will be out in the next few hours.

The People vs. St. Paul's Cathedral

I suppose many bloggers are frustrated op-ed writers - I'm a frustrated everything I try at the moment, but that's an altro discorso.  Anyway, having listened to various views about the St Paul's Cathedral encampment, I feel waves of familiarity sweeping over me.... I even heard GP - my former fellow church member in London asking about the 'St. P's affair from a PR point of view.    I think bad PR is probably the worst of it - ironically, it's not what they are doing, but how it looks that concerns the Church.  Great.

Probably, in 80% of other cathedrals across the land they would have accommodated the encampment and engaged with the protesters, brought them soup and gradually made them see that the CoE had its hipper elements.   But because it was St Paul's - and the Establishment, and the rather conservative Diocese of London, they couldn't think about it properly, as Christians, instead they thought about it as a nuisance to be cleared.   I was a bit puzzled.   Why couldn't they make an agreement with the protesters to clear a path in the middle of the steps, so people could get up and down easily - they might even have agreed to a low barrier to remind people not to crowd the area too much.  I don't believe the protesters would have had a problem with that.  Then all the services, tourists, weddings and valuable revenues could have continued to flow in without a problem.

I was slightly surprised that the revenues were only £16,000 per day - the caff, the gift shop and the expensive entrance fee... perhaps they didn't find as many visitors coming as one might expect.  Or perhaps, like me, people would sneak in for evensong for free... and dawdle sightseeing on the way out. 

Health & Safety is becoming such an old chestnut.   When the Cathedral chapter blamed H&S I felt an inward sigh.  It had the ring of truth - I know those pusillanimous types from past experience on Parochial Church Councils, and Deanery Synods.  It is a shield for the timorous, the unadventurous and the plain idle, to protect them from having to be active or imaginative... I remember all those people who said it would be "too dangerous" to distribute Millennium Candles in the parish, in case people burned their houses down.    Just such attitudes, writ on a larger scale, probably informed the Dean & Chapter's deliberations, coupled of course with their broadly establishment attitudes.

The latest thing is this "shelving" of the St Paul's Institute report about the ethics of the City of London - well, maybe it is simply postponed, but it sounds like it has been kicked into the long grass (as everyone likes to say).   And now - mirabile dictu the Bishop has said he is afraid of "violence" - why?  There hasn't been any so far - if they involve the police of course, that will no doubt result in some - answer: don't bring in the police.   And the idea that the Cathedral will offer "a public debate" on the issues in exchange for the Occupy the City crowd dispersing... well, gosh, that sounds an immensely reasonable exchange.   If there was somewhere to send my CoE membership back to, I think I would.   Generation of wimps!

Labyrinthitis bore

It continues - it is now Wednesday evening, I've had it for 5 days - I've been on Stematil - which has controlled the psychotic side effects (depression, anxiety, mania...) but hasn't stopped everything swooping around me every time I nod my head too emphatically, or turn over in bed, or raise my head from the pillow.

I managed quite well yesterday - got up, managed the house (i.e. gave orders to the rest of the family) oversaw working parties, and even did some cleaning and cooking (courgette quiche and pasta e fagioli for lunch - roast chicken and veg, chocolate mousse for supper).  Finn's friend A came, with his nice father M - and we had quite a jolly time.  I like M because he loves Ramsgate and I feel a terrible parochial pride - when he said today he didn't think Margate was as nice as Ramsgate I had an appalling moment of chauvinistic delight!  So much for my idea of "joined-up Thanet".  

It was sunny but chilly - we had the urge to get hugelich (nice Danish word) in honour of M so while he was conducting a business conference call in the sitting room, Mark and I cracked open a bottle of 10 year old Glenmorangie and drank it out of heavy crystal tumblers while I supervised the supper - and then felt we were briefly on Planet Agreeable...

Today of course, given the tricksy nature of the virus, I felt completely &*£@! again, much worse than yesterday, so I spent most of the day in bed.  In the morning I took notes on Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth which had lots of interesting stuff about gas gangrene and delirium (side effect of septicaemia I presume).  In the afternoon, once we had said goodbye to M & A, I read the whole of Private Eye - but was too dopey and ailey to laugh.

Ned told me a one-liner yesterday  "My wife made chocolate mousse once - I nearly choked on an antler."
The only thing that made me laugh a lot today was the final frames of the Simpsons: grandpa (having retired from bullfighting and liberated all the bulls) and Lisa are sitting in chairs supported by helium balloons and floating above Springfield.  Suddenly two bulls, with balloons attached to their horns and tails drift up to join them menace them.  I think it's something to do with the way the animators draw the bulls - and the suggestion their huge horns will burst the balloons....

Trivia - but this has been a day for it - and yet, I felt completely happy doing my research - looking at the Western Front - seeing diagrams, and staring at maps to complement my understanding of VB's time at Etaples (how does one do accents on this?).  Having been to Etaples really helped - I must sort out a time to go and research Gaga's RAMC unit at the Imperial War Museum Library - or just look at the RAMC website...there's a museum/library too I think.

How Long!???

This blood-soaked virus is continuing - all sorts of new phenomena - just when I thought I was getting better, going out etc. it zapped me with viral labyrinthitis - which meant I had to spend most of the weekend in bed - only going out to the doctor for an emergency prescription on Sunday - what fun!   I woke up this morning thinking it would be over - cautiously raised my head and was rewarded by the room rocking wildly, an incipient headache and a wave of nausea.   I have now been ill for 3 weeks and one day.  Tomorrow we have visitors.   I was well enough to get up and make bread, cook supper and do some washing up this afternoon, so I think I am getting better - just have to hold my head very level - which is no doubt jolly good for my posture.

Diet note: since I have been in bed/ailing I have been furiously hungry - weird - but have also lost about 3 lbs - despite lack of exercise - and eating all sorts of "unsuitable" foods - e.g Irish apple bread, porridge with goldensyrup, and even a chocolate croissant today.  Perhaps my new Book of Proverbs diet is working....

And now Ghadaffi..

...or however it's spelled.  Once again the world is seeing scenes of jubilation at someone's death.  There is something rather hideous about this - however tyrannical the dead person was.  I often sense with older people a satisfaction when someone else has died - as if by surviving them they have somehow won.  There is some sort of atavistic satisfaction about the death of a rival - so obviously the death of an enemy is even more satisfactory.  I am taking the John Donne - "as not for whom the bell tolls" view...

Of course Ghadaffi was a horror - although he was quite a personable looking bloke when younger - which is neither here nor there of course.  Strangely nutty - his regime was hideous for many ordinary Libyans - but was it, in terms of foreign affairs so dreadful?  He sold arms to unpleasant groups - so do we, he made disagreeable diplomatic relationships, so do we; he "sponsored terrorism" - we support unelected dictators from time to time.    Now everyone is calling for an enquiry into how he was killed - was it "fair"? in some way.   I suppose he should have been  brought to trial - but we've had this conversation over and over...about Osama - about all sorts of situations, and it's a bit boring - we know really that realpolitik will triumph and bleating about how Ghaddaffi should have been put on trial is just a waste of time.  

A nice liberal man (John Kampfner) is saying we shouldn't assume that different cultures have different norms of justice.... well, that shows how much he knows about human societies.  We see him down here a lot, he's the Chair of the Turner - a bit awkward, and a bit of twit.  Editors of the New Statesman often seem to have rather bland, slightly gutless liberal politics: I suppose it goes with the territory - having a full-blooded socialist in that role wouldn't do at all.  Mind you, it's probably years since he was its editor - I stopped reading it years ago - I occasionally buy it at Christmas!  What a treat - or is it a penitential act?

Back to Schmoozin'

I went to a networking event yesterday.  It was surprisingly good - I met several people who were interested in the free marketing advice... very nice.  More people took my card than gave me theirs - and people removed it from the pile I left on the table.  So.... perhaps something will come of this.  I was also asked to do a quick PR for a conference - so hope that will happen.  It's only a tiny bit of money, but it's something.

No sign of S - I saw another S last night - and told her what was happening with the business - she said she thought S had a tendency to disappear for long periods and not be available - and she also said she assumed that S had a job and that HH was just something on the side.... if that were the case I wouldn't be so annoyed.   Actually, it made me laugh - because I thought it does rather show that other people have noticed her lack of committment, so it's not just me.

It will be interesting to see whether the prospect of some work will do anything to reel her in, but if she does have other work that she isn't telling me about then perhaps it will finally force her to admit this.

Meanwhile, the Thanetarium is becoming a reality - but we do need to sort out a lot of things - like a bank account, and so on.   We have several potential "free" advertisers for the dummy - and some writing available.