Well, the anticipated death of S has occurred, this afternoon at about half past two while I was having a tedious phone conversation on the phone with an official about Council Tax.
It was not a surprise, but I just feel quite stunned. I find it hard to believe it's finally happened and I won't see him again, or email him again. End of.
It is true that we hadn't emailed each other a great deal recently - but I always felt he was somehow "on my side" after the great debacle in 2010 which need not be discussed here! Perhaps he made everyone feel like that. He emailed me in May to tell me of his prognosis - and ask for our prayers. There is a horrible feeling that these prayers were not really answered or rather the answer was "Tough!" I know that suffering is looked upon with approval in traditional Catholic teaching - but... how much? Must everyone be crucified? One does seem to hear a great deal about old reprobates who have totally easy and jolly deaths... and of course "heroic suffering" is one of the factors involved in canonisation.
So I have lost another friend - this is different from Marion, lacking the shock element - but he was one of those people one slightly measured one's behaviour against - ungracious remarks froze in my throat in his presence.
The trouble with someone dying is always those left behind: there is a legacy bandwagon - not financial, but a sort of argument about "ownership". Mark was astonished at his father's funeral how everyone had their own version of Edward. Rachel has accidentally fallen foul of this unspoken rule by posting his death on Facebook before the "official" family announcement had been made. Her other brother has posted about it with a reference to Horus... not quite Catholic theology! There is a very real danger (not sure if that's the word) that he will be beatified in due course... there were jokes about relic hunting! We'll see - rather him than Mgr Escriva de Balaguer. On the whole I think the canonisation process is all a bit unecessary. I always like the idea that everyone is a saint, but we don't all get canonised is something more to my liking. On the other hand, Strat is the sort of person you can imagine wanting to intercede for you - if you think it's necessary to have a "friend at court" so to speak. He is certainly a person I have no criticism of - except for his failure to ever "Like" any of my posts on Facebook! The modern sin! Must be worth a few days in Purgatory - before entering eternal bliss!
There are so many things about bereavement - it becomes about "me" the bereaved - and therefore less dignified - we don't do dignified and noble most of the time. This marries the "ownership" issue and can get rather ugly/tedious.
Meanwhile - life goes on, in a rather stunned mullet way. Jupiter has entered Leo - today - and things are meant to be looking up. These two deaths have - as deaths often do - somehow cleared the boards. Things feel more settled now that outcomes are known. I haven't worked much in the last few days because of Marion and Strat - but on the other hand they have both provided me with an awful lot of material to think about for "Last Things" - the book I am going to write next (GATD is only about 20-30,000 words off the end). I hope to be a bit more energised now.
It was not a surprise, but I just feel quite stunned. I find it hard to believe it's finally happened and I won't see him again, or email him again. End of.
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| Stratford Caldecott 26th November 1953 - 17th July 2014 RIP (Photoshopped with some atmospheric colouring/halo etc. this would make a good holy picture - he almost looks as if he's wearing a Roman collar!) |
So I have lost another friend - this is different from Marion, lacking the shock element - but he was one of those people one slightly measured one's behaviour against - ungracious remarks froze in my throat in his presence.
The trouble with someone dying is always those left behind: there is a legacy bandwagon - not financial, but a sort of argument about "ownership". Mark was astonished at his father's funeral how everyone had their own version of Edward. Rachel has accidentally fallen foul of this unspoken rule by posting his death on Facebook before the "official" family announcement had been made. Her other brother has posted about it with a reference to Horus... not quite Catholic theology! There is a very real danger (not sure if that's the word) that he will be beatified in due course... there were jokes about relic hunting! We'll see - rather him than Mgr Escriva de Balaguer. On the whole I think the canonisation process is all a bit unecessary. I always like the idea that everyone is a saint, but we don't all get canonised is something more to my liking. On the other hand, Strat is the sort of person you can imagine wanting to intercede for you - if you think it's necessary to have a "friend at court" so to speak. He is certainly a person I have no criticism of - except for his failure to ever "Like" any of my posts on Facebook! The modern sin! Must be worth a few days in Purgatory - before entering eternal bliss!
There are so many things about bereavement - it becomes about "me" the bereaved - and therefore less dignified - we don't do dignified and noble most of the time. This marries the "ownership" issue and can get rather ugly/tedious.
Meanwhile - life goes on, in a rather stunned mullet way. Jupiter has entered Leo - today - and things are meant to be looking up. These two deaths have - as deaths often do - somehow cleared the boards. Things feel more settled now that outcomes are known. I haven't worked much in the last few days because of Marion and Strat - but on the other hand they have both provided me with an awful lot of material to think about for "Last Things" - the book I am going to write next (GATD is only about 20-30,000 words off the end). I hope to be a bit more energised now.
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