For the second time in two years there's been a flounce-out at a dinner party here. It is very difficult, as the flouncer was feeling hurt and angry and the person flounced against had done nothing wrong.
There was a discussion about Gaza - no one was ranting (except the flouncer who has a history of taking up topics with passion and energy for a short period until the next one grabs her interest). This passion, coupled with a distressing event in her family life 2 days ago, had created great agitation. I noticed the way she was eating stuff indicated a great deal of anger and I felt she might have had a drink or two before she arrived. It was lovely to see her though, and I hoped that the presence of a person she hadn't met, and whom she'd wanted to ask a favour of (on behalf of her son) might have calmed her down a little and focussed her mind.
The flouncee is a very well-meaning and lovely, but not very well-informed person. Politically she's on the left but hasn't read much about politics so she was asking a lot of questions - to better understand the situation. I understand this, because I learn better from conversation too. However, the flouncer had no patience with it, or perhaps didn't understand the nuances: no one was supporting Israel - no one was actually, as far as I could tell, arguing about the issues. If we had been it might have been understandable.
When the flouncer then moaned about this event in a Facebook post later that evening I felt slightly absolved of "blame" - but why should I feel blame? All I did was spend a considerable amount of money and time to create a nice meal and to promote a nice evening, part of the object of which was to introduce the flouncer and flouncee to each other. The fact is, there is sweet FA any of us can do about Gaza, about the intransigence of Hamas and the Israelis, and all we were really doing was more hand-wringing. Since I managed to develop ataraxia by accident (probably as a result of anti-depressants) I no longer feel unduly perturbed by man's inhumanity to man - knowing it to be an inevitable part of the human condition - and that whatever group we belong to, we will always be able to identify The Other - against whom all our self-hatred, anger and misery can be focussed. All I ask from life is that we do not repeat this behaviour in microcosm in our social interactions.
And yet, despite these pious sentiments I can be a good hater... there are not many people I really despise, unfortunately I will be seeing one on Thursday (probably). I would prefer to avoid conflict - I don't know if this is cowardice. A good confrontation can clear the air - but there was no historic air to clear between these two.
As for political conflict - yes of course I have an opinion on the matter. And, for what it's worth, it's this. The Israeli government and security forces are wrong, so is Hamas - the superior forces of the Israelis make them behave like bullies. The Israelis who complain about bombardment are still very priviledged compared with the Gazans; there is unquestioning support for the Palestinians on the left - and this support can sometimes slip into anti-Semitism; some Jews do not talk about this issue because there is shame and embarassment about how the Israelis are behaving, therefore they appear complicit. It is difficult to know what the "right" answer is, and we will certainly not settle it at a Ramsgate dinner party - where none of us is an expert on the topic. Big sigh. I wish I had successfully steered us off the topic before it happened. I suppose not screaming and shouting and running about over the issue means I appear not to care.
 |
| To think that such a select affair could be so readily disrupted by one person. |
There was a discussion about Gaza - no one was ranting (except the flouncer who has a history of taking up topics with passion and energy for a short period until the next one grabs her interest). This passion, coupled with a distressing event in her family life 2 days ago, had created great agitation. I noticed the way she was eating stuff indicated a great deal of anger and I felt she might have had a drink or two before she arrived. It was lovely to see her though, and I hoped that the presence of a person she hadn't met, and whom she'd wanted to ask a favour of (on behalf of her son) might have calmed her down a little and focussed her mind.
The flouncee is a very well-meaning and lovely, but not very well-informed person. Politically she's on the left but hasn't read much about politics so she was asking a lot of questions - to better understand the situation. I understand this, because I learn better from conversation too. However, the flouncer had no patience with it, or perhaps didn't understand the nuances: no one was supporting Israel - no one was actually, as far as I could tell, arguing about the issues. If we had been it might have been understandable.
When the flouncer then moaned about this event in a Facebook post later that evening I felt slightly absolved of "blame" - but why should I feel blame? All I did was spend a considerable amount of money and time to create a nice meal and to promote a nice evening, part of the object of which was to introduce the flouncer and flouncee to each other. The fact is, there is sweet FA any of us can do about Gaza, about the intransigence of Hamas and the Israelis, and all we were really doing was more hand-wringing. Since I managed to develop ataraxia by accident (probably as a result of anti-depressants) I no longer feel unduly perturbed by man's inhumanity to man - knowing it to be an inevitable part of the human condition - and that whatever group we belong to, we will always be able to identify The Other - against whom all our self-hatred, anger and misery can be focussed. All I ask from life is that we do not repeat this behaviour in microcosm in our social interactions.
And yet, despite these pious sentiments I can be a good hater... there are not many people I really despise, unfortunately I will be seeing one on Thursday (probably). I would prefer to avoid conflict - I don't know if this is cowardice. A good confrontation can clear the air - but there was no historic air to clear between these two.
As for political conflict - yes of course I have an opinion on the matter. And, for what it's worth, it's this. The Israeli government and security forces are wrong, so is Hamas - the superior forces of the Israelis make them behave like bullies. The Israelis who complain about bombardment are still very priviledged compared with the Gazans; there is unquestioning support for the Palestinians on the left - and this support can sometimes slip into anti-Semitism; some Jews do not talk about this issue because there is shame and embarassment about how the Israelis are behaving, therefore they appear complicit. It is difficult to know what the "right" answer is, and we will certainly not settle it at a Ramsgate dinner party - where none of us is an expert on the topic. Big sigh. I wish I had successfully steered us off the topic before it happened. I suppose not screaming and shouting and running about over the issue means I appear not to care.
Flouncing sounds juvenile when considering the topic. Better to donate some money to Palestinian aid or some other positive act for the Palestinian cause,.
ReplyDeleteQuite! Positive action, and encouraging others to do likewise! Upsetting people of goodwill is counter-productive for oneself and how the cause is perceived.
ReplyDelete