Now that I'm a Labour candidate for the Council, I am expecting UKIP to be all over my social media offerings, so I thought this blog post might particularly delight them.
I was writing a few months back about the idea of the Caliphate - as a Utopian society...and it occurred to me that that was what UKIP was offering their followers: Ukipia
When I hear their nostalgic chat about what the UK should be like, I wonder if UKIP have a sort of utopian ideal of the UK, where everyone is English and happy, smiling and cheerful (this would make a change from the UKIP supporters, who tend towards the snarling, grumbling end of the spectrum - but perhaps that would all change in UKIPIA).
As well as there being no, or very few foreigners (wives and concubines of leading party members would be permitted to remain - as long as they continued to please these potentates) we would be living on English produce from our own fields, and having our own nuclear energy (instead of having to buy it from the detestable French), and, once we had opted out of human rights legislation, we would be able to enslave people, and remove any of their human rights we chose to. There wouldn't be much tax, but there wouldn't be any services any way - everything would have to be paid for.
Women wouldn't work, unless they were very old and unlikely to require maternity leave. Education would be optional after 12 and useful apprenticeships in mining and the chimney sweeping sector would become widely available.
As a result of opting out of the EU with its tyrannical water purity standards, the sea would gradually become disgustingly polluted. Planning controls would have been relaxed, so there would be no problem about siting say, a cement block works, next to a beach and a conservation area. Pubs would become grim, fuggy places once more, as businesses are no longer allowed to operate a non-smoking policy.
LGBT people would be "discouraged" - and would find themselves spending more time indoors, if not actually in the closet, since there would be few penalties for those who harmed them.
Economically UKIPIA would be a bit of a mess as we would be losing a great many of our export markets once we left the EU. We would not have the income to import foreign goods - especially foodstuffs, which would gradually become more expensive. The tax on luxury goods was initially welcomed, since most of us don't regularly buy Prada handbags, but the need to raise more money means the definition of "luxury" is gradually extended and now includes cat litter, deodorant and quilted lavatory paper. The sales of skin whiteners went through the roof initially as people attempted to diminish their ethnicity, but now they too are taxed at luxury rates.
It becomes more apparent that the senior party members are living a rather more luxurious lifestyle than ordinary people. These career politicians most have their own small businesses too, and there is persistent talk of UKIP MPs cheating on expenses. It is brushed off as "confusion" about legitimate business expenses.
Despite all this, after 5 years, election publicity shows happy smiling faces, and even fat people (most of whom have disappeared in the last few years since biscuits, cakes, fish and chips and Coke were declared "luxury goods" and attracted the top rate of tax).
This is just off the top of my head of course, further research in the UKIP manifesto will no doubt reveal more potential horror. Their fantasy British caliphate, would emerge just as unjust and cruel as any other similar regime... The important thing to remember about the word Utopia is that it is concocted from the Greek ou topos - No Place! And this is never going to happen.
I was writing a few months back about the idea of the Caliphate - as a Utopian society...and it occurred to me that that was what UKIP was offering their followers: Ukipia
When I hear their nostalgic chat about what the UK should be like, I wonder if UKIP have a sort of utopian ideal of the UK, where everyone is English and happy, smiling and cheerful (this would make a change from the UKIP supporters, who tend towards the snarling, grumbling end of the spectrum - but perhaps that would all change in UKIPIA).
As well as there being no, or very few foreigners (wives and concubines of leading party members would be permitted to remain - as long as they continued to please these potentates) we would be living on English produce from our own fields, and having our own nuclear energy (instead of having to buy it from the detestable French), and, once we had opted out of human rights legislation, we would be able to enslave people, and remove any of their human rights we chose to. There wouldn't be much tax, but there wouldn't be any services any way - everything would have to be paid for.
Women wouldn't work, unless they were very old and unlikely to require maternity leave. Education would be optional after 12 and useful apprenticeships in mining and the chimney sweeping sector would become widely available.
As a result of opting out of the EU with its tyrannical water purity standards, the sea would gradually become disgustingly polluted. Planning controls would have been relaxed, so there would be no problem about siting say, a cement block works, next to a beach and a conservation area. Pubs would become grim, fuggy places once more, as businesses are no longer allowed to operate a non-smoking policy.
LGBT people would be "discouraged" - and would find themselves spending more time indoors, if not actually in the closet, since there would be few penalties for those who harmed them.
Economically UKIPIA would be a bit of a mess as we would be losing a great many of our export markets once we left the EU. We would not have the income to import foreign goods - especially foodstuffs, which would gradually become more expensive. The tax on luxury goods was initially welcomed, since most of us don't regularly buy Prada handbags, but the need to raise more money means the definition of "luxury" is gradually extended and now includes cat litter, deodorant and quilted lavatory paper. The sales of skin whiteners went through the roof initially as people attempted to diminish their ethnicity, but now they too are taxed at luxury rates.
It becomes more apparent that the senior party members are living a rather more luxurious lifestyle than ordinary people. These career politicians most have their own small businesses too, and there is persistent talk of UKIP MPs cheating on expenses. It is brushed off as "confusion" about legitimate business expenses.
Despite all this, after 5 years, election publicity shows happy smiling faces, and even fat people (most of whom have disappeared in the last few years since biscuits, cakes, fish and chips and Coke were declared "luxury goods" and attracted the top rate of tax).
This is just off the top of my head of course, further research in the UKIP manifesto will no doubt reveal more potential horror. Their fantasy British caliphate, would emerge just as unjust and cruel as any other similar regime... The important thing to remember about the word Utopia is that it is concocted from the Greek ou topos - No Place! And this is never going to happen.
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