Nil desperandum!

I was going to call this despondency - or perhaps "The drugs don't work".  I am still working hard, still doing things, but I feel creeping bits of paranoia and envy - which are sensations I really haven't felt for over a year.   Envy - about people having a jolly time - going out - doing fun things together - that we can't do because of money, and how we seem to have abnormal friends who never invite us to do anything... this isn't true - actually, we owe 4 households dinner - but why does no one, except A call us to invite us to the pub, or out to listen to music - or something. 

OK - that's enough despondency.  We did the Carnival today - we decked the MPV in banners and stuff and it looked impressive - especially with the big floating banners... and I drove v.v. slowly into town.  I think it was a really good bit of publicity for us - I could see people reading the banners on the car and it helped associate us with the mass of the people... so that the festival isn't seen as Down From London luvvie show, but part of the community.

Also had a jolly chat with Mayor and MP - I really like Laura as a person in her own right.  And gave Mayor a copy of the Sunday Express in which an article about the caves had been published (quoting me!) - my ma in law rang up to tell me this morning.

It is difficult to go out and have fun when one has kids and no money.  I've let M's social habits take me over to some extent.  Grrr.  But when we start pulling in a bit of money I will be going out and about more - with or without... and doing stuff.  We actually went out last night - to the BB after taking the boys out to the traditional beginning of holiday meal out.  For the first time in years there was no one there I knew - sigh!  Never mind we had a nice drink and sat and watched the seafront - which was seething.  It was overcast, but very warm - and yet half the bars had burners outside - they look lovely, but I hate to see the air being heated.

But things ARE looking up - it just takes time to turn the ship around.  Good response to Food Odyssey on Friday - and probably getting more dosh than we expected from the government this year.  Going to network on Tuesday - and think things will take off a bit.  If only an agent would like the novel... it wouldn't be the answer, but it would add a little frisson.

Talked to M about boredom - it was decreed that I didn't feel bored in the true sense - I merely felt understimulated.  Hmm. Perhaps I should stop wingeing about this and get on with some intellectual stimulation.  So off to watch a tv prog about French food - and just hope it's a bit more than mere coffee table tv.