Reading while dead
Tuesday 27 September 2011
How sweet to be a cloud!
Writing!
Yes - I am writing - 2,400 odd words today. Most satisfying. And the sun shone - and the garden was lovely. I am still worried that my characters are speaking in a weirdly stilted almost Jane Austenish way - I must read more books set in the period. At the moment I am reading Vera Brittain's Testament of Youth - which is great, full of useful phrases. But need to read more and absorb more.
Sunday 25 September 2011
International Reach/Folkestone Triennial
One of the tiny solipsistic fascinations of this blog is seeing where it is being read. Everytime a new country appears on the map I feel quite excited - even though I know no one is really reading it - just flipping past the page. One of the mysteries of the audience stats though is that while some countries appear in the weekly stats, they disappear when it comes to the all-time stats - which is why I have apparently lost my readership in Italy, Indonesia,. India and the Philippines. Rather sad. No matter, I am recording them here.
We went to Folkestone again yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day, perfectly warm and lovely. We saw the ships in St. Eanswyth's church - like a lot of visitors we found the church more fascinating than the work - although it was an interestingish idea... boats all facing east - the Resurrection, the journey of life etc. Ships were all decorated with plastic flowers, jewellery etc. M thought of the votive offerings of ships in Roman temples - and I thought about the annual opening and closing of the maritime seasons in the Med. But really the church was far more interesting. Very high - lingering smell of incense - and heavily decorated during 19th and early 20th with very florid angels etc. Also some nice glass - a 17thC tomb, a medieval tomb and the relics of St Eanswyth...Lovely churchyard. Really Folkestone has some nice bits. After lunch we walked down to see the installlation about Algerian lighthouses, which was very beautiful - wonderful images and an interview with a lighthouse keeper who clearly lived a monastic life there. Then we went down in the lift and heard the Martin Creed music - basically 2 descending scales based on a note the lift makes as it squeaks into life... amusante!
I am still thinking a lot about this sort of art. I mean the Martin Creed thing - it's an interesting idea, it amuses one. It's clever to exploit the squeak of the lift like that but - ? So what? OK - it's suggesting a connection between music and a random sound... but - well, that's it. And that's the trouble with a lot of this sort of art. It makes a connection which may or may not be familiar - so there may or may not be a moment of recognition - but it doesn't have much resonance with something else. But perhaps for some people it does, perhaps for some people it's a short cut to something that they might not get otherwise.
The Zinab Sedira work about the lighthouse keepers was lovely because it was beautiful - it was a sort of documentary - but done with multiple screens that make one's eyes dash about from place to place, giving a sense of being there - and giving one a great deal more information or experience than a purely linear piece would have. It was an "educational" experience - learned about something, but also was washed with beautiful images, some of which passed before my eyes as I was falling asleep last night - and of course lighthouses do have a sinister feeling. It wasn't clear whether they were land based or island based (one was certainly land based). It is those isolated ones that just emerge from the sea that seem so sinister.
Tuesday: we went to see the newish Gerard Depardieu film Potiche - it was very enjoyable and silly. Gerard has definitely lost it in the looks department - (I can't talk). Afterwards when we went to collect the car the sky was incredibly starry. It's that time of year when I don't really recognise the constellations - is that Aquila or Lyra? No sign of Orion - but Jupiter low in the sky (we argued about this, M said it was Mars, I said it wasn't red enough and anyway Mars was in Leo so not visible during the night, while Jupiter was in Taurus; he was disgusted to find I was doing anything with ephemeris charts). But I saw a shooting star - at the time I was too busy feeling irritated to enjoy the feeling - and now it seems a miracle to me - I hardly ever see shooting stars. I no longer want to share the rapture - I am just feeling irritated by M's responses, and his mind swamping mine when I want to enjoy things - and he wants to talk all the time! Silent contemplation is not his thing. I don't know. He's so kind and good - but another 30 years of irritation....maybe I'll change again, and become more engaged with him, but it doesn't seem to be happening, despite my efforts. I don't think having another relationship is the answer - sometimes I just want to be alone. But I must beware of what I wish for...
We went to Folkestone again yesterday. It was a beautiful sunny day, perfectly warm and lovely. We saw the ships in St. Eanswyth's church - like a lot of visitors we found the church more fascinating than the work - although it was an interestingish idea... boats all facing east - the Resurrection, the journey of life etc. Ships were all decorated with plastic flowers, jewellery etc. M thought of the votive offerings of ships in Roman temples - and I thought about the annual opening and closing of the maritime seasons in the Med. But really the church was far more interesting. Very high - lingering smell of incense - and heavily decorated during 19th and early 20th with very florid angels etc. Also some nice glass - a 17thC tomb, a medieval tomb and the relics of St Eanswyth...Lovely churchyard. Really Folkestone has some nice bits. After lunch we walked down to see the installlation about Algerian lighthouses, which was very beautiful - wonderful images and an interview with a lighthouse keeper who clearly lived a monastic life there. Then we went down in the lift and heard the Martin Creed music - basically 2 descending scales based on a note the lift makes as it squeaks into life... amusante!
I am still thinking a lot about this sort of art. I mean the Martin Creed thing - it's an interesting idea, it amuses one. It's clever to exploit the squeak of the lift like that but - ? So what? OK - it's suggesting a connection between music and a random sound... but - well, that's it. And that's the trouble with a lot of this sort of art. It makes a connection which may or may not be familiar - so there may or may not be a moment of recognition - but it doesn't have much resonance with something else. But perhaps for some people it does, perhaps for some people it's a short cut to something that they might not get otherwise.
The Zinab Sedira work about the lighthouse keepers was lovely because it was beautiful - it was a sort of documentary - but done with multiple screens that make one's eyes dash about from place to place, giving a sense of being there - and giving one a great deal more information or experience than a purely linear piece would have. It was an "educational" experience - learned about something, but also was washed with beautiful images, some of which passed before my eyes as I was falling asleep last night - and of course lighthouses do have a sinister feeling. It wasn't clear whether they were land based or island based (one was certainly land based). It is those isolated ones that just emerge from the sea that seem so sinister.
Tuesday: we went to see the newish Gerard Depardieu film Potiche - it was very enjoyable and silly. Gerard has definitely lost it in the looks department - (I can't talk). Afterwards when we went to collect the car the sky was incredibly starry. It's that time of year when I don't really recognise the constellations - is that Aquila or Lyra? No sign of Orion - but Jupiter low in the sky (we argued about this, M said it was Mars, I said it wasn't red enough and anyway Mars was in Leo so not visible during the night, while Jupiter was in Taurus; he was disgusted to find I was doing anything with ephemeris charts). But I saw a shooting star - at the time I was too busy feeling irritated to enjoy the feeling - and now it seems a miracle to me - I hardly ever see shooting stars. I no longer want to share the rapture - I am just feeling irritated by M's responses, and his mind swamping mine when I want to enjoy things - and he wants to talk all the time! Silent contemplation is not his thing. I don't know. He's so kind and good - but another 30 years of irritation....maybe I'll change again, and become more engaged with him, but it doesn't seem to be happening, despite my efforts. I don't think having another relationship is the answer - sometimes I just want to be alone. But I must beware of what I wish for...
Friday 23 September 2011
Market update
Actually, the markets didn't crash today - if anything they reacted enthusiastically to the news that Einstein may have been wrong.
Osama - conspiracy news!
The latest thing I have heard about Osama bin Laden is that he was a CIA operative in Afghanistan, supporting the Mujahideen while the Russians were there. This is interesting. It sort of helps explain the friendship with Bush family, and a few other items. Is it true? Si non e vero, e ben trovato.
Where does this come from? A very paranoid friend of mine who encountered him (did he? or did I just dream that?) in Afghanistan many years ago - he was told at the time that he was a CIA guy... so this isn't some recent bit of conspiracy theory (as if that made any difference). He is making the point that any research about 9/11 in the States becomes tantamount to Holocaust denial. Apparently a lot of journalists have lost their jobs for investigating inconvenient truths.... but then again, he quoted a couple of really silly conspiracy type info.bites about film showing the building crumbling and NO PLANE. I explained about digital editing. he was disappointed. I expect Ned and Finn could do that, so do keep up! And the passport thing is just stupid. What possible proof could that provide?
Where does this come from? A very paranoid friend of mine who encountered him (did he? or did I just dream that?) in Afghanistan many years ago - he was told at the time that he was a CIA guy... so this isn't some recent bit of conspiracy theory (as if that made any difference). He is making the point that any research about 9/11 in the States becomes tantamount to Holocaust denial. Apparently a lot of journalists have lost their jobs for investigating inconvenient truths.... but then again, he quoted a couple of really silly conspiracy type info.bites about film showing the building crumbling and NO PLANE. I explained about digital editing. he was disappointed. I expect Ned and Finn could do that, so do keep up! And the passport thing is just stupid. What possible proof could that provide?
Change in the laws of physics causes Stock Market crash
A headline we will probably not be seeing.
I am fascinated about this particle that apparently goes faster than the speed of light. Everyone is saying "but it can't be true" and that the equipment they were using for the last 3(?) years must be defective.
My gut feeling (since I know virtually nothing about theoretical physics) is that it is true - and that this is not just another cold fusion experiment. My attempts to read about theoretical physics have been doomed - because whenever I have begun to read them there's too much if - and despite my mystical beliefs, (or because of them) - I like my science empirical thank you! It is not so much the "insult" to Einstein that I am enjoying, but the discomfiture of all those people who have built vast structures of multiverses and string theories on top of it. And all those Hawkin like people who said we were just about to find out the last couple of pieces that would enable us to know everything... But now, not only have we failed to find the Higgs boson... we also find the theory of relativity is a bit defective.... what now? Mass redundancies in astrophysics departments?
Would be nice to think this news was so unsettling that the stock markets fell, but actually that was just the threat of Greek default. I wish they'd get on and do it - but if they do the focus will simply move onto another country. Italy, Spain, Portugal and Greece all had great difficulties meeting the euro criteria - and the view in 1992 that they should not be admitted is now vindicated - or perhaps the view that the euro needed greater economic integration to succeed. However, this is old news - the wobble in the theory of relativity isn't.
I am fascinated about this particle that apparently goes faster than the speed of light. Everyone is saying "but it can't be true" and that the equipment they were using for the last 3(?) years must be defective.
My gut feeling (since I know virtually nothing about theoretical physics) is that it is true - and that this is not just another cold fusion experiment. My attempts to read about theoretical physics have been doomed - because whenever I have begun to read them there's too much if - and despite my mystical beliefs, (or because of them) - I like my science empirical thank you! It is not so much the "insult" to Einstein that I am enjoying, but the discomfiture of all those people who have built vast structures of multiverses and string theories on top of it. And all those Hawkin like people who said we were just about to find out the last couple of pieces that would enable us to know everything... But now, not only have we failed to find the Higgs boson... we also find the theory of relativity is a bit defective.... what now? Mass redundancies in astrophysics departments?
Would be nice to think this news was so unsettling that the stock markets fell, but actually that was just the threat of Greek default. I wish they'd get on and do it - but if they do the focus will simply move onto another country. Italy, Spain, Portugal and Greece all had great difficulties meeting the euro criteria - and the view in 1992 that they should not be admitted is now vindicated - or perhaps the view that the euro needed greater economic integration to succeed. However, this is old news - the wobble in the theory of relativity isn't.
Just did it!
My "writing week" which runs from Thursday to Thursday at the moment - was successful - I thought doing less than 3,000 words in my second week wouldn't be good - but I just managed it last night. So, 3,100 - not quite as good as last week's 5,000, but I think giving myself this deadline seems to work... it's just as important as anything else, in fact more so. Today heard of a writer who used to write 30,000 words a day - sigh!
I worried that what I wrote last night might be rubbish - but when I looked at it although it seemed a bit repetitive in places, overall it had some good ideas and developments.
My concern is that my vocabulary is more limited in this novel - and there's less obviously good writing - but lots of dialogue - much more popular I expect.
I worried that what I wrote last night might be rubbish - but when I looked at it although it seemed a bit repetitive in places, overall it had some good ideas and developments.
My concern is that my vocabulary is more limited in this novel - and there's less obviously good writing - but lots of dialogue - much more popular I expect.
Capitalism is in Crisis!
This was a phrase that I had the opportunity to use twice yesterday - what joy!
Of course the economic situation isn't a joke, or a joy, but I suppose my residual Marxism is rejoicing to see Marx's economic analysis of capitalism being vindicated. Alexander said last night that Marx's analysis of capitalism was right - but that his ideas about revolution were wrong. I found this the sort of idea I would agree with, if I was knowledgable enough to know whether it was correct (it seems on the surface that M's analysis of revolution and predictions - were wrong - or that we have had the "wrong kind of" revolutions).
The first time I used the phrase was with Sue Kennedy - we chorused it when we were discussing the situation.
Alex was interesting because he belongs to a webgroup of former BBC journalists - and I heard their analysis of the BBC's current news agenda/output. He said there was a great deal of a critique about Robert Peston, the economics correspondent - whom I abhor. He pointed out that all RP's info about the state of the economy comes from bankers and so on, I have certainly noticed how right-wing his analysis is - certainly RP's reliance on the people who have done so much to bring us to this point is really rather ludicrous, if one is looking for a proper analysis. It is as if you were attempting to understand cannibalism, and only interviewing cannibals. What do they know of capitalism, who only capitalism know?
A also poinbted out that the word "capitalism" is never used. We now talk about the market - a cosy place, full of groaning trestle tables covered with brilliant vegetables and loveable peasant farmers - the market is safe, it's local - we know all about markets don't we? Only of course, what we really mean is capitalism, which is big, distant, alien and global and we can have very little influence on it. But as Mark has just pointed out, phrases like "the market decides" sound democratic - as though some local people have got together and decided to do something. Things have got to such a state in the media that if you want to hear any kind of critique of capitalism, you need to listen to You and Yours rather than the Today programme. Of course I am only talking about Radio 4 which is all I listen to really. But my excuse is that it is more influential amongst what used to be called the chattering classes than anything else.
For years however, I have been very conscious that the BBC is not providing a full analysis of what is happening in the world - its agenda is limited, establishment focussed. Perhaps that's inevitable, but what is the alternative? I am going to start reading the Guardian again - not just the sudoku! But I have no patience with Marxist media - even if there were any - in the past I found their analyses either simplistic or over-torturously academic. The fact is, no one knows the answer, Marx's critique was good - his solutions probably not...
Whether my instincts towards green/limits-to-growth economics will ever be held more widely is dubious. Sue and I were discussing this yesterday. Quite frankly, to embrace such a lifestyle means looking at unpleasant realities - and accepting them as true. Most people do not wish to accept the reality of climate change, let alone dream of trying to limit consumption. The fact is, people would always rather believe the easy thing. Thanet Council would rather believe that night-flights would miraculously bring in 100s of jobs to Thanet. They want to believe in magic - so much easier to believe this than confront the real problem that we have sadly an under-educated, under-skilled workforce.
Oh boy, comrades, capitalism is in crisis - and most of us are too limited to try and do anything about it.
Of course the economic situation isn't a joke, or a joy, but I suppose my residual Marxism is rejoicing to see Marx's economic analysis of capitalism being vindicated. Alexander said last night that Marx's analysis of capitalism was right - but that his ideas about revolution were wrong. I found this the sort of idea I would agree with, if I was knowledgable enough to know whether it was correct (it seems on the surface that M's analysis of revolution and predictions - were wrong - or that we have had the "wrong kind of" revolutions).
The first time I used the phrase was with Sue Kennedy - we chorused it when we were discussing the situation.
Alex was interesting because he belongs to a webgroup of former BBC journalists - and I heard their analysis of the BBC's current news agenda/output. He said there was a great deal of a critique about Robert Peston, the economics correspondent - whom I abhor. He pointed out that all RP's info about the state of the economy comes from bankers and so on, I have certainly noticed how right-wing his analysis is - certainly RP's reliance on the people who have done so much to bring us to this point is really rather ludicrous, if one is looking for a proper analysis. It is as if you were attempting to understand cannibalism, and only interviewing cannibals. What do they know of capitalism, who only capitalism know?
A also poinbted out that the word "capitalism" is never used. We now talk about the market - a cosy place, full of groaning trestle tables covered with brilliant vegetables and loveable peasant farmers - the market is safe, it's local - we know all about markets don't we? Only of course, what we really mean is capitalism, which is big, distant, alien and global and we can have very little influence on it. But as Mark has just pointed out, phrases like "the market decides" sound democratic - as though some local people have got together and decided to do something. Things have got to such a state in the media that if you want to hear any kind of critique of capitalism, you need to listen to You and Yours rather than the Today programme. Of course I am only talking about Radio 4 which is all I listen to really. But my excuse is that it is more influential amongst what used to be called the chattering classes than anything else.
For years however, I have been very conscious that the BBC is not providing a full analysis of what is happening in the world - its agenda is limited, establishment focussed. Perhaps that's inevitable, but what is the alternative? I am going to start reading the Guardian again - not just the sudoku! But I have no patience with Marxist media - even if there were any - in the past I found their analyses either simplistic or over-torturously academic. The fact is, no one knows the answer, Marx's critique was good - his solutions probably not...
Whether my instincts towards green/limits-to-growth economics will ever be held more widely is dubious. Sue and I were discussing this yesterday. Quite frankly, to embrace such a lifestyle means looking at unpleasant realities - and accepting them as true. Most people do not wish to accept the reality of climate change, let alone dream of trying to limit consumption. The fact is, people would always rather believe the easy thing. Thanet Council would rather believe that night-flights would miraculously bring in 100s of jobs to Thanet. They want to believe in magic - so much easier to believe this than confront the real problem that we have sadly an under-educated, under-skilled workforce.
Oh boy, comrades, capitalism is in crisis - and most of us are too limited to try and do anything about it.
Wednesday 21 September 2011
Mindless Witterings (Gardening)
This is what my friend Jane proferred as her reason for not reading other people's blogs. I suppose that's good - except of course I immediately took it personally, then I considered, and thought that just as people like reading my Christmas letter - because it is not a mindless, humourless branding exercise like some people's, possibly some people would like my blog for similar reasons. Also, it's relatively cliche free and lacking in high fluffy animal quotient. (For some people of course these may be the factors that make it unreadable). It is, of course, unforgivably solipsistic - but as Simon Darragh would say "read it if you like, no one's twisting your arm" - but then his blog is interesting - and full of limericks - so there's always something good there.
On the subject of limericks - do you know this one?
As Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he leapt up the ladder and had her.
So what am I wittering about today? Can't remember what my last witterings were about. Have just about recovered from lack of urgent tasks - and have dealt with most of my outstanding issues. However, am about to start a marketing drive for Christmas - so will be busy again, unfortunately. No sign of money on the horizon - although I will get a repayment for my spending at Booker for Ramsgate Arts, nearly £200 - and some money for doing the PR for the festival. This is much needed, as Mark is having a bit of a gap between clients... oh cripes. I have faith that it will be all right, somehow.
The Firefly Fiesta went very well - lovely fireworks - and quite good music. We could have done with some feel-good ska-y stuff... but maybe next year. I note that my writing fell off quite considerably last week. I haven't done my 3,000 words yet - but I might manage to get there by the end of the day. I am not doing it now because I am expecting an interruption.
I have advertised gardening as one of my topics. It is justified? Well, my garden has become "established" so there hasn't been a lot to write about. However over the weekend I decided to take control of the back bed and root up most of the vinca alba and so on and to re plant the bed - since some short plants are too far back and the whole thing is dominated by valerian (centanthrus ruber) and sweet rocket (matricaria hesperis?) which are lovely but... As I was sitting contemplating it, I thought about the clematis, it's a pinky-mauve montana - the kind I would never have bought myself - and I have carefully tended it and it has grown enormous. It was cut back about 4 years ago when we painted the cast iron fence on top of the wall, and it seems to have doubled in size since then. It suddennly occurred to me that I really disliked the way it clashed with the spring flowers in the bed, and with the pink paint the idiot Sarsfields had put on the brick wall - so why did I keep it?
What a liberation! I began to remove it, despite some qualms about removing an area that encouraged biodiversity - in this case snails!. I haven't managed to remove it all - much of it is now in the neighbours' garden, and I know they don't like to feel their privacy is breached. Then we went to East Northdown Farm Nursery - I bought a rose - Mme Gregoire Staechlin - and a red honey suckle called Red Gables. I already have a Compassion rose there - which I think was damaged by the clematis. I think 2 roses, a honey suckle and possibly a less rampant clematis (or maybe a tangutica - because it's autumn flowering and the yellow would look good against the green garden shed). So I think it will look fantastic. Of course there are even more fantastic plants I could have bought on line, but I like going to East Northdown - although I wonder how well it is doing. They have so many moribund looking plnats. I got some nicotia sylvestris for free because they looked so manky. We also go a free vine a couple of years ago (which did grow, but was so tiny that it was attacked by slugs and destroyed. The other one grows over Olly's grave... it's not doing too badly. I need to go and cut back some more shrubbery - the bay tree is getting enormous - and that rose that's stuck next to it isn't great either. Anyway, that's enough mindless wittering for today.
On the subject of limericks - do you know this one?
As Titian was mixing rose madder
His model reclined on a ladder
Her position to Titian
Suggested coition
So he leapt up the ladder and had her.
So what am I wittering about today? Can't remember what my last witterings were about. Have just about recovered from lack of urgent tasks - and have dealt with most of my outstanding issues. However, am about to start a marketing drive for Christmas - so will be busy again, unfortunately. No sign of money on the horizon - although I will get a repayment for my spending at Booker for Ramsgate Arts, nearly £200 - and some money for doing the PR for the festival. This is much needed, as Mark is having a bit of a gap between clients... oh cripes. I have faith that it will be all right, somehow.
The Firefly Fiesta went very well - lovely fireworks - and quite good music. We could have done with some feel-good ska-y stuff... but maybe next year. I note that my writing fell off quite considerably last week. I haven't done my 3,000 words yet - but I might manage to get there by the end of the day. I am not doing it now because I am expecting an interruption.
I have advertised gardening as one of my topics. It is justified? Well, my garden has become "established" so there hasn't been a lot to write about. However over the weekend I decided to take control of the back bed and root up most of the vinca alba and so on and to re plant the bed - since some short plants are too far back and the whole thing is dominated by valerian (centanthrus ruber) and sweet rocket (matricaria hesperis?) which are lovely but... As I was sitting contemplating it, I thought about the clematis, it's a pinky-mauve montana - the kind I would never have bought myself - and I have carefully tended it and it has grown enormous. It was cut back about 4 years ago when we painted the cast iron fence on top of the wall, and it seems to have doubled in size since then. It suddennly occurred to me that I really disliked the way it clashed with the spring flowers in the bed, and with the pink paint the idiot Sarsfields had put on the brick wall - so why did I keep it?
What a liberation! I began to remove it, despite some qualms about removing an area that encouraged biodiversity - in this case snails!. I haven't managed to remove it all - much of it is now in the neighbours' garden, and I know they don't like to feel their privacy is breached. Then we went to East Northdown Farm Nursery - I bought a rose - Mme Gregoire Staechlin - and a red honey suckle called Red Gables. I already have a Compassion rose there - which I think was damaged by the clematis. I think 2 roses, a honey suckle and possibly a less rampant clematis (or maybe a tangutica - because it's autumn flowering and the yellow would look good against the green garden shed). So I think it will look fantastic. Of course there are even more fantastic plants I could have bought on line, but I like going to East Northdown - although I wonder how well it is doing. They have so many moribund looking plnats. I got some nicotia sylvestris for free because they looked so manky. We also go a free vine a couple of years ago (which did grow, but was so tiny that it was attacked by slugs and destroyed. The other one grows over Olly's grave... it's not doing too badly. I need to go and cut back some more shrubbery - the bay tree is getting enormous - and that rose that's stuck next to it isn't great either. Anyway, that's enough mindless wittering for today.
Tuesday 13 September 2011
RIP Richard Hamilton
 |
| Just what is it that makes the modern home so different, so appealling? |
Oh dear, not quite the effect I wanted to create! My skills with pictures leave much to be desired.
I feel Happy
I wonder why?
Probably having finished two tasks that were hanging over me, firstly dyeing my hair, which I loathe doing, and secondly sending off a second batch of PRs to various local media outlets.
Yesterday was a great achievement day - wrote 2,300+ words on Conscience. I am aware that what I have written will be heavy with cliches and need severe editing and much thought - but it is so great to have it there, in place. I'm also in a good situation because I actually have rigorously edited and re-written the first 3-4 chapters - so once I have completed the first draft of the rest, I will be able to send those 3 chapters off to agents while revising the rest of the book. That'll give me a year or so to re-write and edit!
The alarming thing is that I wrote most of those words in about 2 hours - although it isn't alarming, it's intensely gratifying - yes, it isn't perfectly written, but I was having one of those phases when the plot progresses without one planning anything - such bliss when that happens. I knew there had to be some sort of encounter, there were things I didn't want to write about - e.g. David dancing with Kitty - because I felt it would cause problems. And I managed to skip all the difficult things - get the mini-drama and deal with the aftermath in a discussion with another party.
I would say it was magisterial if it were not for the fact that the whole thing was entirely a product of the unconscious... I knew two things had to happened - and they did, but not in any way that I had imagined, just in a perfectly natural way. If I was a nutter I might wonder whether I was "channelling" my grandfather - but it's not quite that sort of thing. I have had long periods wondering why on earth he was in love with her - and I still can't understand it. I think he must have really, really fancied her and allowed his appendage* to rule his head!
* This must be said in a Bette Midler accent, a New York faux-French way!
I find it hard to write about sex using David's point of view - or indeed for anyone in that period. But I will have to write about it sooner or later... I wonder where I can find sources that might help. I don't suppose My Secret Life by Walter would be much good - some contemporary fiction which deals with sex... Marie Corelli? Elinor Glyn
Would you care to sin with Elinor Glyn
On a tiger skin?
Or would you prefer to err with her
On some other fur?
I wish I'd written that.
Now I'd better go and make some pastry for an egg and bacon pie - and make that chocolate ice cream I keep going on about.
Probably having finished two tasks that were hanging over me, firstly dyeing my hair, which I loathe doing, and secondly sending off a second batch of PRs to various local media outlets.
Yesterday was a great achievement day - wrote 2,300+ words on Conscience. I am aware that what I have written will be heavy with cliches and need severe editing and much thought - but it is so great to have it there, in place. I'm also in a good situation because I actually have rigorously edited and re-written the first 3-4 chapters - so once I have completed the first draft of the rest, I will be able to send those 3 chapters off to agents while revising the rest of the book. That'll give me a year or so to re-write and edit!
The alarming thing is that I wrote most of those words in about 2 hours - although it isn't alarming, it's intensely gratifying - yes, it isn't perfectly written, but I was having one of those phases when the plot progresses without one planning anything - such bliss when that happens. I knew there had to be some sort of encounter, there were things I didn't want to write about - e.g. David dancing with Kitty - because I felt it would cause problems. And I managed to skip all the difficult things - get the mini-drama and deal with the aftermath in a discussion with another party.
I would say it was magisterial if it were not for the fact that the whole thing was entirely a product of the unconscious... I knew two things had to happened - and they did, but not in any way that I had imagined, just in a perfectly natural way. If I was a nutter I might wonder whether I was "channelling" my grandfather - but it's not quite that sort of thing. I have had long periods wondering why on earth he was in love with her - and I still can't understand it. I think he must have really, really fancied her and allowed his appendage* to rule his head!
* This must be said in a Bette Midler accent, a New York faux-French way!
I find it hard to write about sex using David's point of view - or indeed for anyone in that period. But I will have to write about it sooner or later... I wonder where I can find sources that might help. I don't suppose My Secret Life by Walter would be much good - some contemporary fiction which deals with sex... Marie Corelli? Elinor Glyn
Would you care to sin with Elinor Glyn
On a tiger skin?
Or would you prefer to err with her
On some other fur?
I wish I'd written that.
Now I'd better go and make some pastry for an egg and bacon pie - and make that chocolate ice cream I keep going on about.
Sunday 11 September 2011
The Neighbourhood...
Just been through a dozen or so Italian blogs - quite a variety - I rather liked one which was a sort of progressive anarchist one, and another which was devoted to Poggio Imperiale in Puglia - not much to say about it, but they had various gadgets that gave the news headlines from Corriere della Sera and the Saint of the Day from the Italian Catholic Church - is that different from the Universal/Catholic church?
Lots of poetry - and a blog which didn't carry an "adult material" warning - dedicated to "Men with more balls than cock"???!! I find literary italian very difficult to read - full of very high-falutin' stuff - lots of abstract nouns and really a tiny weeny bit pretentious sometimes. Still it made a change. But why do I never find UK blogs when I leaf through? - this time I got another selection of US "literary" blogs. There is a mass of published material available in the US which never makes it over here. One woman had a list of books she liked - the only author I'd heard of was Agatha Christie. Another reviews all the books she reads - the blog is a series of reviews - quite a good idea, and I was delighted to see a review of Cavalier and Klay - don't feel she finished it somehow - it had a polite, positive review (Pulitzer prize winners can't be dissed after all), on the next page was a review twice as long about a woman's relationship with a golden retriever. This is a not very subtle way of saying US book blogs that I've seen have all been rather low brow - apart from the couple that are not.
I cannot find out how to remove blogs I'm following, which is a bore, since I'm not really following them anyway, just looking at them once a month - since I'd rather write blogs than read blogs. Must try and find American Idle again, though.
Lots of poetry - and a blog which didn't carry an "adult material" warning - dedicated to "Men with more balls than cock"???!! I find literary italian very difficult to read - full of very high-falutin' stuff - lots of abstract nouns and really a tiny weeny bit pretentious sometimes. Still it made a change. But why do I never find UK blogs when I leaf through? - this time I got another selection of US "literary" blogs. There is a mass of published material available in the US which never makes it over here. One woman had a list of books she liked - the only author I'd heard of was Agatha Christie. Another reviews all the books she reads - the blog is a series of reviews - quite a good idea, and I was delighted to see a review of Cavalier and Klay - don't feel she finished it somehow - it had a polite, positive review (Pulitzer prize winners can't be dissed after all), on the next page was a review twice as long about a woman's relationship with a golden retriever. This is a not very subtle way of saying US book blogs that I've seen have all been rather low brow - apart from the couple that are not.
I cannot find out how to remove blogs I'm following, which is a bore, since I'm not really following them anyway, just looking at them once a month - since I'd rather write blogs than read blogs. Must try and find American Idle again, though.
Coffee!
That is why I am writing my blog at 2.00am - I have been wanting to write properly all week - but haven't had the energy or have been too tired, now perversely at this time in the morning my mind is clear, and I am full of oojah-cum-spiff and so on.
Whether I have anything useful to say is another question. Some forms of writing have become a displacement activity for other, more difficult, forms of writing. Which is why I have been blogging consistently, but when I turned to my last bit of Conscience I found it was written on July 15th, just before the school holidays started. Of course I can blame the Summer Squall and the school holidays for that. Anyway, I finally sat down to write some more on September 8th, and was extremely delighted to write 1600 words in a session (this is a Barbara Cartland level of productivity that will probably result in writing of equal value to hers). The following day, thinking at this rate I might achieve 3,000 words a week I sat down and in two begrudging sessions managed to squeeze out another 400 plus words. Well, that's 2,000 anyway, and the week isn't finished yet.
Why am I not writing it now? Oh because, I am enjoying having them all steam in anticipation of a Christmas party... I have been trying to find out what sort of dances they did - waltzes, fox trots? two-steps? Don't know - is that more American... Schottisches were all the rage in late 19thC - but did it carry on to 1915? But too early for the Charleston/Shimmy/Black Bottom etc.
Sometimes the internet is wonderful for research, sometimes it is frankly appalling... maybe I should put in English ballroom dancing and see what it will tell me about the era...
The trouble is, I still can't make Daniel really in love with Kitty - because I don't like her.... he obviously does, he feels a whole lot of ludicrous things about her - or what he imagines she's like. I unfortunately know what she's like. I think I've said this before, what I ought to do is imagine a J & M scenario - misguidedly falling for unsuitable woman because he's lonely and she's available, and having all sorts of chivalrous feelings about her - but I can't turn J into Daniel - because Daniel, well, he's not the type. A misjudging Neptunian is Daniel... trapped in a web of his own romanticism (although I'm not sure if I've made that clear) - and perhaps I'm not good at doing men who are romantics, because I've seldom been involved with a fellow romantic... maybe, like introverts and extroverts they don't inter-marry... perhaps Keith was a romantic - but usually about his own past. I suppose some of those Virgoan nostalgic types might have been - urrrgh.
I am wondering if I had had a blog in 2009 whether I would have written The Formative Year? It would have been so easy to spiel it all out here...
At the moment I am beginning to diet again, not in a very serious way, cutting back the carbs etc. but it is not working. I think I must stop drinking this time as well. Under the affluence of incohol tonight I ate a pizza, because I was making them for everyone else, and there was some dough left, and it saved me having to wash up and deal with other forms of cooking. It was a slightly penitential pizza since I put too much artichoke on it, because we'd run out of decent olives. Should have stuck to anchovies and mozarella and the v. good tomato sauce I made.
Was there a point to this blog? I was coming to that...
I had a bit of a pray about my diet/weight/size/health - said I really wanted to be thin, did not want to take up M's suggestion of baryatric surgery... would I ever get thin? And heard Three years. That was encouraging, because I know I could be thin in three years if I stuck to it - roughly. It is easier to stick to it now I think, especially since when I do eat carby foods - like tonight's pizza - I feel deadly dopey afterwards, and my mind does not function well. I don't like that at all. But I do need to do some exercise.
I was also praying about the writing, because I am convinced that Conscience will be taken up (good story, true story, set in WWI - centenary coming up, well written etc.) and published, but I am a bit sad for The Formative Year because it is very lovely in its way. So a couple of days later, thinking about that "will it ever be published?" I heard two years. So that's rather cheering, because these voice of God things tend to be right. (OK - all the rationalists have now fainted - but revive please, and pay attention). I am perfectly clear that what I call the voice of God or the Holy Spirit may very well not be, but culturally it is coherent with other people's experience of the Holy Spirit - not everyone hears an inner voice, some people experience it in other ways. The fact is the Holy Spirit (if you will allow me to call it that, as it is my cultural tradition to do so) will tell you where your keys are, or when you will find them... when I lost my keys recently I heard soon, the following day I heard tomorrow, and finally, the day I found them I heard today. This is not remarkable, because there is this helpful voice intermittently in my head, when I really need to know something. But it won't tell me everything - and is silent on matters dear to my evil heart... It is a comforting voice - in accordance with its name The Comforter - it doesn't speak much, just a few short words; it is the still small voice that speaks out of the whirlwind of one's fears, passions and anxieties, and it says things like It will be all right. I could give endless examples of when it has helped me, that night on the M20 for example - a really scarey time in the snow, it helped me get off the road - if I hadn't I would have been stuck above Folkestone with the lorries all night.
To people who hate religion, I say, ignore religion, cultivate a relationship with God - ask him for the Holy Spirit and get help... forget about the power of the Vatican, childmolesting, boring chapel or assemblies, or whatever it is that annoys you about organised religion, just cultivate God - get to know God - speak together, listen, learn...
If I were going to write a list of things which annoyed me about Richard Dawkins it would fill this blog, but I think if I felt he was someone who had ever tried to make contact with God - and had somehow failed, I might be able to sympathise with him. What I most dislike is the sense that God and anything to do with God is so beneath his mighty intellect that he wouldn't deign to humble his brain to do that. I think the brain is an amazing part of God's evolved creation... and part of its amazingness is its ability to let us hear God - to be in touch with God.
OK - that's enough God! Well, probably for the readership anyway. Was that the point of this blog? Probably.
Whether I have anything useful to say is another question. Some forms of writing have become a displacement activity for other, more difficult, forms of writing. Which is why I have been blogging consistently, but when I turned to my last bit of Conscience I found it was written on July 15th, just before the school holidays started. Of course I can blame the Summer Squall and the school holidays for that. Anyway, I finally sat down to write some more on September 8th, and was extremely delighted to write 1600 words in a session (this is a Barbara Cartland level of productivity that will probably result in writing of equal value to hers). The following day, thinking at this rate I might achieve 3,000 words a week I sat down and in two begrudging sessions managed to squeeze out another 400 plus words. Well, that's 2,000 anyway, and the week isn't finished yet.
Why am I not writing it now? Oh because, I am enjoying having them all steam in anticipation of a Christmas party... I have been trying to find out what sort of dances they did - waltzes, fox trots? two-steps? Don't know - is that more American... Schottisches were all the rage in late 19thC - but did it carry on to 1915? But too early for the Charleston/Shimmy/Black Bottom etc.
Sometimes the internet is wonderful for research, sometimes it is frankly appalling... maybe I should put in English ballroom dancing and see what it will tell me about the era...
The trouble is, I still can't make Daniel really in love with Kitty - because I don't like her.... he obviously does, he feels a whole lot of ludicrous things about her - or what he imagines she's like. I unfortunately know what she's like. I think I've said this before, what I ought to do is imagine a J & M scenario - misguidedly falling for unsuitable woman because he's lonely and she's available, and having all sorts of chivalrous feelings about her - but I can't turn J into Daniel - because Daniel, well, he's not the type. A misjudging Neptunian is Daniel... trapped in a web of his own romanticism (although I'm not sure if I've made that clear) - and perhaps I'm not good at doing men who are romantics, because I've seldom been involved with a fellow romantic... maybe, like introverts and extroverts they don't inter-marry... perhaps Keith was a romantic - but usually about his own past. I suppose some of those Virgoan nostalgic types might have been - urrrgh.
I am wondering if I had had a blog in 2009 whether I would have written The Formative Year? It would have been so easy to spiel it all out here...
At the moment I am beginning to diet again, not in a very serious way, cutting back the carbs etc. but it is not working. I think I must stop drinking this time as well. Under the affluence of incohol tonight I ate a pizza, because I was making them for everyone else, and there was some dough left, and it saved me having to wash up and deal with other forms of cooking. It was a slightly penitential pizza since I put too much artichoke on it, because we'd run out of decent olives. Should have stuck to anchovies and mozarella and the v. good tomato sauce I made.
Was there a point to this blog? I was coming to that...
I had a bit of a pray about my diet/weight/size/health - said I really wanted to be thin, did not want to take up M's suggestion of baryatric surgery... would I ever get thin? And heard Three years. That was encouraging, because I know I could be thin in three years if I stuck to it - roughly. It is easier to stick to it now I think, especially since when I do eat carby foods - like tonight's pizza - I feel deadly dopey afterwards, and my mind does not function well. I don't like that at all. But I do need to do some exercise.
I was also praying about the writing, because I am convinced that Conscience will be taken up (good story, true story, set in WWI - centenary coming up, well written etc.) and published, but I am a bit sad for The Formative Year because it is very lovely in its way. So a couple of days later, thinking about that "will it ever be published?" I heard two years. So that's rather cheering, because these voice of God things tend to be right. (OK - all the rationalists have now fainted - but revive please, and pay attention). I am perfectly clear that what I call the voice of God or the Holy Spirit may very well not be, but culturally it is coherent with other people's experience of the Holy Spirit - not everyone hears an inner voice, some people experience it in other ways. The fact is the Holy Spirit (if you will allow me to call it that, as it is my cultural tradition to do so) will tell you where your keys are, or when you will find them... when I lost my keys recently I heard soon, the following day I heard tomorrow, and finally, the day I found them I heard today. This is not remarkable, because there is this helpful voice intermittently in my head, when I really need to know something. But it won't tell me everything - and is silent on matters dear to my evil heart... It is a comforting voice - in accordance with its name The Comforter - it doesn't speak much, just a few short words; it is the still small voice that speaks out of the whirlwind of one's fears, passions and anxieties, and it says things like It will be all right. I could give endless examples of when it has helped me, that night on the M20 for example - a really scarey time in the snow, it helped me get off the road - if I hadn't I would have been stuck above Folkestone with the lorries all night.
To people who hate religion, I say, ignore religion, cultivate a relationship with God - ask him for the Holy Spirit and get help... forget about the power of the Vatican, childmolesting, boring chapel or assemblies, or whatever it is that annoys you about organised religion, just cultivate God - get to know God - speak together, listen, learn...
If I were going to write a list of things which annoyed me about Richard Dawkins it would fill this blog, but I think if I felt he was someone who had ever tried to make contact with God - and had somehow failed, I might be able to sympathise with him. What I most dislike is the sense that God and anything to do with God is so beneath his mighty intellect that he wouldn't deign to humble his brain to do that. I think the brain is an amazing part of God's evolved creation... and part of its amazingness is its ability to let us hear God - to be in touch with God.
OK - that's enough God! Well, probably for the readership anyway. Was that the point of this blog? Probably.
Tuesday 6 September 2011
Sometimes...
one can have an incredibly nice evening - especially when one has had low expectations. The fact is, some of one's friends are able to provide brilliant conversation and fun and are just better on their own - they long to come to dinner parties, but they are just more interesting when they are not in a crowd.
I spent some time today agonising about why no one wanted to come to dinner on 23rd September (otherwise engaged - or still making their minds up) - and then tonight Alex came around and suggested all manner of delightful events. He can be rather unreliable (was v. late tonight, and had forgotten it was supper, not just drinks). We now have a very full diary for the next few weeks, in part due to him - so it's another case of "love the one you're with". We seem to be victims of "one dinner party" syndrome. Someone invites us - we invite them back, end of.... now it appears that even people who we owe dinner to are otherwise engaged. Must be something about 23rd September - perhaps it's a new moon or something. No matter, things will happen eventually. If people don't want to come, tant pis. I don't actually yearn to have dinner parties, the idea is often more appealing than the actuality - but there have been some crackers - I remember that the Poker memorial party was very good, and some others... maybe they are going out of fashion. Will I never cook Salmon en croute sauce a la creme again? - apparently, people used to ring up The Hole in the Wall in Bath to see whether it was on the menu - I can understand it, it's totally delicious... I need to find a few more reliably stunning dishes like that...I must confess all the dishes I really like to give people because they are reliably delicious are things which have a certain amount of sweetness - venison casserole, the great game pie, agnello al agrodolce - and all those ME dishes with apricots etc.
Must find the hunter and ring him about wild boar!
I spent some time today agonising about why no one wanted to come to dinner on 23rd September (otherwise engaged - or still making their minds up) - and then tonight Alex came around and suggested all manner of delightful events. He can be rather unreliable (was v. late tonight, and had forgotten it was supper, not just drinks). We now have a very full diary for the next few weeks, in part due to him - so it's another case of "love the one you're with". We seem to be victims of "one dinner party" syndrome. Someone invites us - we invite them back, end of.... now it appears that even people who we owe dinner to are otherwise engaged. Must be something about 23rd September - perhaps it's a new moon or something. No matter, things will happen eventually. If people don't want to come, tant pis. I don't actually yearn to have dinner parties, the idea is often more appealing than the actuality - but there have been some crackers - I remember that the Poker memorial party was very good, and some others... maybe they are going out of fashion. Will I never cook Salmon en croute sauce a la creme again? - apparently, people used to ring up The Hole in the Wall in Bath to see whether it was on the menu - I can understand it, it's totally delicious... I need to find a few more reliably stunning dishes like that...I must confess all the dishes I really like to give people because they are reliably delicious are things which have a certain amount of sweetness - venison casserole, the great game pie, agnello al agrodolce - and all those ME dishes with apricots etc.
Must find the hunter and ring him about wild boar!
Saturday 3 September 2011
More Art
Went out last night to Marine Studios. Interesting exhibition of art concerning nature, Tacey Kneale's insects - which I looked at with more attention this time. She is the Lucien Freud of the invertebrate world! Also some fascinating pieces from a museum design in Taiwan that Rick was involved in in the 80s. Some beautiful bird watercolours, from a wip... and in the absence of a speaker Rick read a Stephen J Gould essay on size in nature, which was especially interesting as he used Romanesque and Gothic cathedrals as examples of how increasing size demanded different developments (to admit light) as an analogy with how bodies and organs develop, eg brain folding to make more surface area available (actually, I don't think he mentioned the brain, but it occurred to me).
Kate very knackered - launching fab new china range - that should sort out my Christmas pressies this year...
Afterwards M and I went out - it was a lovely warm evening, with the usual spectacular sunset over Margate and a rising new moon - that perfect full crescent shape. We had supper at the Belgian Bar - he had moules with the best frites I have had for a long time, I had the fish selection. Very agreeable, although I wish they would get better wine.
Last night didn't sleep well, but did have another dream - this time that we were going to sell our house - but that we were sharing with Graham and Sam - and we had to agree a price. We were at an exhibition, which showed part of the house. A very enthusiastic couple came and said they'd like to buy it. For some reason we said £420, 000 but then realised they would have gone to £470K - so tried to persuade them that when they saw it they would want to pay more and that that was only a starting price.
There was a lot more detail, but obviously this is something to do with the business and Sam - not asking for enough. Selling the house is very major. Usually one's house is about oneself, selling it suggests a total upheaval. What lies underneath is disturbing. I feel quite melancholy, but M and I are amicable at present, although not enthusiastic.
Kate very knackered - launching fab new china range - that should sort out my Christmas pressies this year...
Afterwards M and I went out - it was a lovely warm evening, with the usual spectacular sunset over Margate and a rising new moon - that perfect full crescent shape. We had supper at the Belgian Bar - he had moules with the best frites I have had for a long time, I had the fish selection. Very agreeable, although I wish they would get better wine.
Last night didn't sleep well, but did have another dream - this time that we were going to sell our house - but that we were sharing with Graham and Sam - and we had to agree a price. We were at an exhibition, which showed part of the house. A very enthusiastic couple came and said they'd like to buy it. For some reason we said £420, 000 but then realised they would have gone to £470K - so tried to persuade them that when they saw it they would want to pay more and that that was only a starting price.
There was a lot more detail, but obviously this is something to do with the business and Sam - not asking for enough. Selling the house is very major. Usually one's house is about oneself, selling it suggests a total upheaval. What lies underneath is disturbing. I feel quite melancholy, but M and I are amicable at present, although not enthusiastic.
Friday 2 September 2011
More dreams
Now that the festival is over I feel freer - but somewhat at a loss what to do. Our last visitors left this morning - Alex and Martin, his father. Mark is away - and I find myself completely "free". The other thing that has happened since the festival finished is this mass of dreams, last night I had a very odd one about working in a government office and wanting to visit an archive on the 6th floor - but I couldn't get there - I tried a staircase, but it only went up one floor, there was another staircase that was blocked - and finally I got permission to go up in the lift, I needed a special key, it was a tiny, narrow lift only big enough for one person, and it was on the outside of the building, but rather unnerving, as the doors didn't quite fit properly, and it felt unsafe. But I attained the archive, left it, and went down in the lift again. The whole atmosphere of the dream was one where I was endlessly being prevented from doing what I needed to do, achieving my ends.
The previous night I had an elaborate dream about James my first husband, the details of which are now lost, but the significant thing is that he was living in a palace with incredibly high ceilings. His wife Jo had left him, and we were discussing whether we wanted to resume our relationship, and decided we didn't.
It feels at the moment as though my unconscious has been liberated after a few months of having to subjugate everything to work. Strange - as if one's unconscious knows there's no point in sending messages when one is not in the position to hear them.
This is another calm before the storm phase - need to get going soon with the next festival (groan) and so on. I must try to do something about the business. What is going to happen now? I really need to concentrate on finding some business somehow - but I am not feeling totally sanguine about this. In a way, I should, since AA has just been asked to do another property-development related quote. These are a bit of a sign of green shoots - and if there are green shoots in property development, then green shoots in marketing etc. cannot be far behind.
Alternatively, I should just concentrate on writing 3,000 words a week between now and Christmas. That wouldn't be enough to finish the book - but it would go a very long way towards it.
Interestingly Martin has been writing a book, but his is very unfinished, and he has decided to go down the self-publishing e-book mode. I have confidence that either TFY or Conscience will get taken up... I want to see hard covers - or better, a paperback... I never want to self-publish, (is this going to be famous last words?) I just don't like the idea, and they are both as good as much that is in print, and better. Martin's approach to these matters is very different to mine.
Yesterday, to change the subject, Ned got very angry with me (something to do with his education) and posted this on Facebook:
It made me laugh - and when I went to have a look on FB I found he had removed it. He was a bit shamefaced about it later. Why did it make me laugh? Partly because I have no grounds for divorce, and also because I know that N & F (especially F) dread the idea of us divorcing. Actually, it was a product of shock mostly.
I do feel rather melancholy now - now that everything is over. I have longed for this period of respite, but despite the fact that it is hot (!) and sunny outside, I am not feeling terribly satisfied. I suppose the lack of pressure means that once again I am left to turn over my inner life and regard its (and my) inadequacies.
Usually there is one little thing I long for - I feel nostalgic and dying to do something, just something simple like going out for a drink or supper with Mark - but I don't have any desire to do anything at present, except perhaps look at my horoscope for September. Perhaps that's actually a good thing, perhaps it signifies that there's nothing terribly wrong with my life. But all these dreams the last few nights about frustration, obstruction and rejection of one sort and another tell me something to the contrary. Wonder what I'll dream tonight?
The previous night I had an elaborate dream about James my first husband, the details of which are now lost, but the significant thing is that he was living in a palace with incredibly high ceilings. His wife Jo had left him, and we were discussing whether we wanted to resume our relationship, and decided we didn't.
It feels at the moment as though my unconscious has been liberated after a few months of having to subjugate everything to work. Strange - as if one's unconscious knows there's no point in sending messages when one is not in the position to hear them.
This is another calm before the storm phase - need to get going soon with the next festival (groan) and so on. I must try to do something about the business. What is going to happen now? I really need to concentrate on finding some business somehow - but I am not feeling totally sanguine about this. In a way, I should, since AA has just been asked to do another property-development related quote. These are a bit of a sign of green shoots - and if there are green shoots in property development, then green shoots in marketing etc. cannot be far behind.
Alternatively, I should just concentrate on writing 3,000 words a week between now and Christmas. That wouldn't be enough to finish the book - but it would go a very long way towards it.
Interestingly Martin has been writing a book, but his is very unfinished, and he has decided to go down the self-publishing e-book mode. I have confidence that either TFY or Conscience will get taken up... I want to see hard covers - or better, a paperback... I never want to self-publish, (is this going to be famous last words?) I just don't like the idea, and they are both as good as much that is in print, and better. Martin's approach to these matters is very different to mine.
Yesterday, to change the subject, Ned got very angry with me (something to do with his education) and posted this on Facebook:
|
It made me laugh - and when I went to have a look on FB I found he had removed it. He was a bit shamefaced about it later. Why did it make me laugh? Partly because I have no grounds for divorce, and also because I know that N & F (especially F) dread the idea of us divorcing. Actually, it was a product of shock mostly.
I do feel rather melancholy now - now that everything is over. I have longed for this period of respite, but despite the fact that it is hot (!) and sunny outside, I am not feeling terribly satisfied. I suppose the lack of pressure means that once again I am left to turn over my inner life and regard its (and my) inadequacies.
Usually there is one little thing I long for - I feel nostalgic and dying to do something, just something simple like going out for a drink or supper with Mark - but I don't have any desire to do anything at present, except perhaps look at my horoscope for September. Perhaps that's actually a good thing, perhaps it signifies that there's nothing terribly wrong with my life. But all these dreams the last few nights about frustration, obstruction and rejection of one sort and another tell me something to the contrary. Wonder what I'll dream tonight?
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