What's God like?

This is a question that everyone who believes in God has to ask themselves.  I answered it to my satisfaction years ago - an answer that was based on the fact that I had experienced something - an enveloping, awesome, powerful darkness.  I experienced it more than once - I think it's some sort of ultra-conscious state when one ceases to be conscious of the material world and is - very briefly - with God - in eternity.  It was an unfrightening darkness, it had no negative element - when I became materially conscious again I was filled with a sense of love and thankfulness - but I didn't feel that during the brief experience.  On the occasions I've had it, I've longed to experience it again.

On the more superficial level - when it comes to day to day trying to do what you think God prefers, one takes the Gospels as a guide, tries to turn the other cheek (abysmal failure usually!), to be kind to widows and orphans (mercifully few around) and so on.  I tend to believe in a God-form that I've created from my own nature - a forgiving, liberal God, who would read the Guardian if He/She ever got around to it.  This is a God whose ultimate judgement of me will, I hope, be kindly and understanding, will recognise the struggles I've had to be a better person, and will admit me to some positive new state of ultra-consciousness when I die.

This morning I woke at 5.00 am - and found myself worrying: suppose I'm wrong? - suppose all the fundamentalists who believe in an angry, vengeful God, who sends people to Hell, are right?  If this was the real God - and not just their personal projection of God - what hope would there be for me? In terms of the Old Testament I can't find much comfort, I have either broken or derided a great many of the Biblical laws - I haven't killed anyone, and never really stolen more than stationery...but apart from those saving graces, I'm pretty much destined for Hell.  If it exists and is occupied.  That gave me a terrible feeling of despair - that nothing I could do would make it right.  Of course this isn't true: there is repentance and forgiveness - and above all redemption through Jesus.  In theological terms these are the remedy for Hell!  

But what about those people - those fundamentalists who really believe in Hell, in punishment, in their own deep-rooted sinfulness?  They are surely already in a Hell of their own making - they are imprisoned in an anxiety that any mild lust or covetous or malicious thought, will not go unpunished.  I suddenly felt something I had never felt before - a great compassion for those people - who are not living a full and abundant life because they are terrified of what might happen in the afterlife if they do. What an absolute misery this must be for them.  No wonder they have to have a go at the rest of us as we go about, blithely enjoying the God given pleasures of the world and human society - they must resent our casual attitude very much.