The last week or so has been full of the wrong kind of stress, it's not that anything especially bad has been happening, in fact, one or two good things have happened.... But it's the culmination of stress of things that haven't been done, the sitting at my desk at my laptop all day and doing very little productive work. Partly I haven't done all the PR work necessary for the bloody Summer Squall - I have done a good deal, but eventually I get bored - or distracted - or have some computer malfunction and stop. Today I have been doing a great tranche of listings... and hope that it will almost be enough - but there is more that I could do.
I am feeling almost sick with worry - the last few days I have been listening to some silly new age tapes sent me by a man who clearly wants to train everyone into his esoteric ways of belief - he offers you a horoscope - for free, and I thought "what the hell!" and outside view couldn't do any harm, but it is not a very useful one - simply reading the house meanings and the signs on each of the houses. It went on for ages - clearly pre-recorded and cut and paste... unless he's an idiot. He is Australian and the CDs have a background of soporific music which sent me to sleep - so I never found out about houses 9 to 12 - but no matter. Nothing about the planets - a couple of sentences about my past five years, as follows:
I have a scar on my lower face/neck NO
I have bladder or kidney trouble from time to time: NO
I have throat/neck trouble OCCASIONAL stiff neck/sore throat
Have had a lot of job upheavals in my life, leaving jobs suddenly etc. TRUE
A miscarriage TRUE
Secret worries about a relative / career matter - YES - but doesn't everybody?
A close family member has been hospitalised in the last 18 months - or will be in the next 12 months
There's been unheaval in a close relationship - possibly a split in the last 15 months - HMMM
Is it worth $20 to get the predictions for the next 5 years? I secretly hoped he'd be as good as the fantastic Indian astrologer in Delhi...according to whom I will be beginning a glorious 6 year cycle in a year or so's time....
Today - this is now Thursday - Ned got his A-level results - ABC - he needed ABB - so almost there, just waiting to see if UEA will agree...
Mark and I got the car out to go shopping (out from the garage where it has just had it's annual roadworthiness test - the MoT as it is known in the UK). We had a delightful fishy lunch on a terrace over looking the harbour - and felt really cheerful and talked to each other and were almost happy! Then I stormed up the stairs, got wobbly legs and stared at the beauties of the harbour, the boats, the sun, the horizon, the cliffs of France etc. and felt really relaxed and happy again. I had had a glass of wine. I couldn't imagine a meal like that without a glass, but it definitely makes me irritable. I had sworn not to drink this week. Well, 3.5 days off ain't bad.
Then the car refused to start. I came home with the shopping in a taxi (I really ought to be much more grateful that we didn't break down before I'd got the shopping), and felt grumpy, I felt grumpy about every little darn thing. I felt grumpy that my sister has been talking to my father about my novel and he now thinks it's all about my horrible childhood. He didn't seem too worried by it, but it's clearly come from her...and I felt grumpy that a woman whom I always say positive and supportive things to on Facebook has said nothing to me about Ned's grades or anything else... I thought I was solipsistic but really, she puts up pictures of her latest creations, her children's achievements etc.etc. and I comment or like them, but... on the other hand I am sharing quips with Joan Bakewell and Mary Kenny so what do I care!
And now my dear friend D has come and given me a present as a thank you for giving her a short reader's report on her book... so I have stopped feeling grumpy, and Ned has said he'd rather go for an Indian anyway, so we don't have to drive over to Broadstairs or Whitstable to go somewhere special.
So it has been a few days of highs and lows - lots of good things (getting to know Naomi and Clive better), the A-level results, Mark's imminent tv appearance, interest in my novel, an unexpected present, and then lots of little aggros.
I am feeling almost sick with worry - the last few days I have been listening to some silly new age tapes sent me by a man who clearly wants to train everyone into his esoteric ways of belief - he offers you a horoscope - for free, and I thought "what the hell!" and outside view couldn't do any harm, but it is not a very useful one - simply reading the house meanings and the signs on each of the houses. It went on for ages - clearly pre-recorded and cut and paste... unless he's an idiot. He is Australian and the CDs have a background of soporific music which sent me to sleep - so I never found out about houses 9 to 12 - but no matter. Nothing about the planets - a couple of sentences about my past five years, as follows:
I have a scar on my lower face/neck NO
I have bladder or kidney trouble from time to time: NO
I have throat/neck trouble OCCASIONAL stiff neck/sore throat
Have had a lot of job upheavals in my life, leaving jobs suddenly etc. TRUE
A miscarriage TRUE
Secret worries about a relative / career matter - YES - but doesn't everybody?
A close family member has been hospitalised in the last 18 months - or will be in the next 12 months
There's been unheaval in a close relationship - possibly a split in the last 15 months - HMMM
Is it worth $20 to get the predictions for the next 5 years? I secretly hoped he'd be as good as the fantastic Indian astrologer in Delhi...according to whom I will be beginning a glorious 6 year cycle in a year or so's time....
Today - this is now Thursday - Ned got his A-level results - ABC - he needed ABB - so almost there, just waiting to see if UEA will agree...
Mark and I got the car out to go shopping (out from the garage where it has just had it's annual roadworthiness test - the MoT as it is known in the UK). We had a delightful fishy lunch on a terrace over looking the harbour - and felt really cheerful and talked to each other and were almost happy! Then I stormed up the stairs, got wobbly legs and stared at the beauties of the harbour, the boats, the sun, the horizon, the cliffs of France etc. and felt really relaxed and happy again. I had had a glass of wine. I couldn't imagine a meal like that without a glass, but it definitely makes me irritable. I had sworn not to drink this week. Well, 3.5 days off ain't bad.
Then the car refused to start. I came home with the shopping in a taxi (I really ought to be much more grateful that we didn't break down before I'd got the shopping), and felt grumpy, I felt grumpy about every little darn thing. I felt grumpy that my sister has been talking to my father about my novel and he now thinks it's all about my horrible childhood. He didn't seem too worried by it, but it's clearly come from her...and I felt grumpy that a woman whom I always say positive and supportive things to on Facebook has said nothing to me about Ned's grades or anything else... I thought I was solipsistic but really, she puts up pictures of her latest creations, her children's achievements etc.etc. and I comment or like them, but... on the other hand I am sharing quips with Joan Bakewell and Mary Kenny so what do I care!
And now my dear friend D has come and given me a present as a thank you for giving her a short reader's report on her book... so I have stopped feeling grumpy, and Ned has said he'd rather go for an Indian anyway, so we don't have to drive over to Broadstairs or Whitstable to go somewhere special.
So it has been a few days of highs and lows - lots of good things (getting to know Naomi and Clive better), the A-level results, Mark's imminent tv appearance, interest in my novel, an unexpected present, and then lots of little aggros.
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