I've always found this Biblical verse, Luke 9.24, puzzling, or rather, a slightly extreme one. I understood it to mean that only by giving up things for God would you get a really good life - but it always sounded as if it was at the heroic end of the Christian spectrum. However, over the years I've realised that like a great deal in Christianity it's close to other teachings such as Buddhism - about abnegation or self-denial or something like that. It isn't necessarily heroic, there have been times when I abandoned certain hopes or objectives to concentrate on something else and have been given the things I gave up. In particular there have been 2 occasions when I've felt able to give up things - once when Ned got a head injury and was bleeding from his ears, which I took to be a sign that he was close to death - he was very cold and pale, seemed to be losing consciousness and I really thought he was dying, and I was able to thank God for the 8 years of his life and say what a blessing they had been and to give him up if that was God's will.. Ned always knew as a child something was seriously wrong with him then - he said later he could see I was frightened and it was the only time he'd seen me frightened.
The other time I gave up something was when I thought I was dying - I was drifting into unconsciousness through blood loss and I accepted the possibility of death, but while praying I said "I don't mind dying for myself, but I don't think it's very fair on Mark and the boys."
As you can see, neither Ned nor I is dead, but both these rather extreme occasions reaffirmed my belief that it is only when you abandon a cause, or a hope, that it has any chance of being fulfilled. Not abandon it exactly, but cease to believe its fulfilment is the only really important thing. I wish I could abandon my anxiety that money was a really important thing - perhaps it would then flow freely into my life - but I feel that adopting this do ut des policy may be a bit cynical, and would not be honoured if done for the wrong reasons. It is of course, at the basis of the idea of sacrifice - "I give you this lamb and you give me innumerable benefits" - but the Luke verse is more subtle because Jesus is not saying "give up stuff so you'll get back" he's saying if you focus on yourself, you will get lost in yourself - if you are willing to lose your life for others you will save yourself. Losing your life for others sounds a bit drastic - but that probably isn't quite what is meant - just that one has to be able to accept the vicissitudes of life without getting hung up on "what will this do to ME?"
And the next verse, Luke 9.25 is the famous one "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world but lose his soul?" - which suggests not that you would lose your actual soul - but the spiritual part of yourself that connects you to God would be blighted, hidden, no longer useful to you - you would lose your connection with God - and this is the outcome of an obsession with anything really - one's health, one's children, one's life, money, one's worldly success... But it doesn't say that inevitably if you gain the whole world you will lose your soul - it is possible to have a great deal and still be part of the Kingdom of God. This no doubt connects with the idea of "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and the rest will be added unto you..." although this seems to refer to basics such as food and drink and clothes - rather than luxuries.
My problem at present is how to lose my obsession with getting my first novel published, and my anxiety about money - I feel they are getting in the way of other things. I feel sure my life would be better in every way if those two issues could be resolved. But perhaps it wouldn't. Perhaps I need to lose these things somehow first.
The other time I gave up something was when I thought I was dying - I was drifting into unconsciousness through blood loss and I accepted the possibility of death, but while praying I said "I don't mind dying for myself, but I don't think it's very fair on Mark and the boys."
As you can see, neither Ned nor I is dead, but both these rather extreme occasions reaffirmed my belief that it is only when you abandon a cause, or a hope, that it has any chance of being fulfilled. Not abandon it exactly, but cease to believe its fulfilment is the only really important thing. I wish I could abandon my anxiety that money was a really important thing - perhaps it would then flow freely into my life - but I feel that adopting this do ut des policy may be a bit cynical, and would not be honoured if done for the wrong reasons. It is of course, at the basis of the idea of sacrifice - "I give you this lamb and you give me innumerable benefits" - but the Luke verse is more subtle because Jesus is not saying "give up stuff so you'll get back" he's saying if you focus on yourself, you will get lost in yourself - if you are willing to lose your life for others you will save yourself. Losing your life for others sounds a bit drastic - but that probably isn't quite what is meant - just that one has to be able to accept the vicissitudes of life without getting hung up on "what will this do to ME?"
And the next verse, Luke 9.25 is the famous one "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world but lose his soul?" - which suggests not that you would lose your actual soul - but the spiritual part of yourself that connects you to God would be blighted, hidden, no longer useful to you - you would lose your connection with God - and this is the outcome of an obsession with anything really - one's health, one's children, one's life, money, one's worldly success... But it doesn't say that inevitably if you gain the whole world you will lose your soul - it is possible to have a great deal and still be part of the Kingdom of God. This no doubt connects with the idea of "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and the rest will be added unto you..." although this seems to refer to basics such as food and drink and clothes - rather than luxuries.
My problem at present is how to lose my obsession with getting my first novel published, and my anxiety about money - I feel they are getting in the way of other things. I feel sure my life would be better in every way if those two issues could be resolved. But perhaps it wouldn't. Perhaps I need to lose these things somehow first.
No comments:
Post a Comment