I woke up early this morning (Monday) worrying. And after a while it occurred to me that if I had not googled my condition I would still be feeling fairly gung-ho about things, I would regard what they had seen as an anomaly but would be sure that everything would be all right. I would worry that they wanted to see me so soon, and the possibility of cancer would have crossed my mind, but because I googled it now I am mentally writing farewell letters, sorting out my will and choosing music for my funeral... (well, I've been doing that for years). And yet, I know that in the unlikely (?) event that it is VC - the most likely outcome is total recovery - the likelihood of my having the "other sort" is very unlikely - and I feel well (because I haven't started treatment yet?).
So what I hope is that - when they re-examine me they find the abrasion has faded to nothing, everything looks healthy again, and they decide it was something anomalous. I want to tell people - but so far I've only told Mark, Finn and Marion. I think if I tell everyone it may be something dramatic I will feel foolish if it turns out to be something innocent.
I can see that part of this issue for me is about getting attention - and if I have a serious disease, I am entitled to attention - in a way that I don't feel entitled most of the time. But this is a topic for another place.
So what I hope is that - when they re-examine me they find the abrasion has faded to nothing, everything looks healthy again, and they decide it was something anomalous. I want to tell people - but so far I've only told Mark, Finn and Marion. I think if I tell everyone it may be something dramatic I will feel foolish if it turns out to be something innocent.
I can see that part of this issue for me is about getting attention - and if I have a serious disease, I am entitled to attention - in a way that I don't feel entitled most of the time. But this is a topic for another place.
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