An experi'ent

Which has already proved not to work - I wanted to see if I could paste the letter ' ' fro' the character 'ap - so that I could write 'y blog, but I can't, so will have to be satisfied with an 'less text - and substitute apostrophes.... the laptop is going in for a service to'orrow - which fills 'e with dread since last ti'e it was serviced 'y store of saved e'ails was re'oved fro' the hard drive.  I've just discovered I can do background colour on 'y text - that's really interesting.  I often think that the blog doesn't look as attractive as it could, due to the failure to upload photos etc.  But perhaps the coloured background could give it a certain je ne sais quoi.

I could use the coloured background to denote chance of subject perhaps?  Very synaesthetic... and perhaps too hard to read.  We shall see.

Now - here's the change of subject - I have just been to hospital in Canterbury - which necessitated two trains and 4 taxis, due to #y weakened state - a cost of about £25 - a nuisance not having the car.  It is, after a brief renaissance, off the road again.  I had hoped they would do a biopsy today - but they haven't.  Instead I #et a nice Nigerian?Ghanaian consultant called Ike - who ordered a hysteroscopy soon, i.e. within 2 weeks, which would enable the to do a biopsy and a s#ear test and everything else.  That's cheering - #eans they probably don't think it's cancer.  The bad news is I'll probably have to have a general anaesthetic before Christ#as.  Hope it won't knock #e out too #uch. 

I'# afraid this entry is co#ing under the general wittering category of blog - but I a# pleased about the colour thing - I could use different colours for different topics - then readers could skip fro# the bits that interest the# and avoid the boring bits.  So I could use this colour for "general wittering"

Politics and current events?  Not very legible - perhaps this one would be better... OK - Politics

Literature - including #y own efforts such as The Ro#antic Fe#inist - plus dealing with agents etc.

Gossip - celebrity etc?

Do I write about anything else?  Oh yes -

Other blogs!

Health - see above...

Or is it just plain stupid?  Have to see how it looks when I post it.,    Interesting how little one does actually use the letter # - perhaps that's why it scores relatively high in Scrabble.

Anniversary

We always celebrate the anniversary of our meeting - it is a nice thing to do.  But over the last few years it has not been celebrated, we don't have enough money to go out etc.  This year however, M has given me two nice presents... and according to Finn one was expensive.  I bought him two very boring little pressies.  I was looking forward to going out though.... anyway, he has cried off the dinner - and I am really disappointed.   I think I would rather have just a dinner then have presents - it's extra money and stuff we don't need.  Now, because I am tired and hungry, I feel a bit cheated so rather longing to eat something nice.  But we are having fish and chips instead.  Himself has gone off to snooze.   I hope I feel better after supper.  At the moment I just feel rather miserable.  I have been finding these festivities difficult since 2010 - I think part of the problem with our relationship was our lack of going out and having fun.  Now when we go out it feels like an enforced jollity - but we need to talk to each other.  I really enjoyed just having a drink on the terrace at the Bellvue a couple of weeks ago - doing something nice together, spontaneously.  This never happens, or almost never. 

Wish I didn't feel so gloomy about this.  It's that horrible feeling - I expect I'd have it about anyone I'd been with for 20 years - probably!

Low-key weekend

I woke up at 8.00 on Saturday morning: the radiators weren't working; the hot water wasn't working either.  Plumbers don't usually work on Saturdays - except for ludicrous amounts of money.  So I left a message for one, and concentrated on other things. 

We had a wonderful "family hour" cleaning out the kitchen - both the boys worked hard and things looked a lot better, although Mark worked hardest.    On Saturday night we had a nice supper together, and had a fire, and it wasn't too cold - so didn't matter so much about the heating.

On Sunday Mark Finn and I went to Canterbury - we had lunch at the Gaol Cafe, which is nice, v. good value. Finn was really funny: he didn't know what to eat, so I suggested he had chicken with couscous - it came covered with a pile of rocket and parmesan... the chicken was dressed with a caesar salad dressing and some spiced chutney - but he really liked it - said it was one of the best things he'd ever had.  He even ate some rocket - wonderful.   Then we did a bit of light shopping - and came home again.  Somehow it was very enjoyable.  Another fire, some pasta and woke up on Monday morning, refreshed and ready to meet the plumber!  He came, charged £204 to buy and replace a fan - so our heating is on again.    The car is going to cost a further £427 for the replacement of the head gasket... but we won't get it back until next Wednesday - so, more walking and taxiing etc.

Now that the new prospective agent has the MS, I am dreading seeing anything from her in the letter box - in case it's the rejection.... but I expect she'll have some suggestions - so I'll have something to work on.

Defamation

Last night I couldn't sleep, because now that an agent has got interested in The Romantic Feminist my mind has leapt forward to the next stage.  Even if she doesn't take me on, this is going to be an issue that will arise.

When she wrote her memoir, Maggie had to get the permission of everyone she mentioned in it to be included.  I've already made changes at the request of Polly and J - the next major obstacle would be my ex-husband, the other J - I have made him very recognisable... now I need to totally re-write him, and perhaps the circumstances of our relationship.  I thought I might make him Irish - from Belfast?  Or not.  Perhaps remove all the Catholic stuff - and maybe remove Tom - the character based on his friend P - he only appears briefly, and I've already edited my comments... he could be cut.   Maybe make Philip a lawyer...  And Doug - part of me thinks K is dead - but I can't be sure.  I Googled him and there doesn't seem to be much trace of him.  Rosey and Russell are in there, and my father, and all the C's - well "Jack" and "Beata" - both of whom tragically are ailing, and might even die before it gets published.  I've effectively got J's permission - but is there something he would have to sign - a release of some kind?

It's a bit of nightmare - change Ed's name - to make it less Ted like - and Paddy?  no, I don't think anyone - er, no, that's not true - well, turn "Niall" into two different people.

I must deal with the problems - whether she takes me on or not.  A nice defamation case, by one of the characters would wipe out any profits and a lot of my credibility.... 

Heart in mouth time...

I've spent the last two days furiously re-editing The Romantic Feminist - and today I sent it off to the agent who asked to see all of it.   It is somewhat nerve-wracking - one feels that somehow the first 3-4 chapters must be infinitely better than the rest - and this will be immediately discovered by the agent.  I have anxiety about the strength of (or is that lack of?) plot.  I can do plots - no probs, and there's a bit of a reveal - but it's not exactly about plot... as indeed great chunks of life aren't - narrative isn't just about plot, observation, comprehension, humour can all contribute to it.

A local(ish) writer, Maggie Harris was talking about her memoir last night at the club - she is a poet, and included some rather poetic passages in the text, all of which were deleted by the publishers.   They said they didn't further the narrative.  Surely atmosphere, the creation of images, enriches the narrative.  I wonder which publishers it was - that sounds such a very "creative writing course" objection to her work.  One can't say without seeing the text and what was deleted, but it does remind me of those people who bellow "Show, don't tell!" at one and behave as if there were only one kind of novel: a straight narrative with a tight plot... and not much else.  Rather like all those well-meaning people on the Authonomy website who gave critique based on what?  A creative writing course?  The people I wanted to hear from were people who were really writing all the time - not people who just churned out the criticisms and produced rather pedestrian work.  But it's horses for courses - plenty more people want to read the kind of novel that they wanted to write.  I fear I may have produced a book which may appeal to a smaller audience, but I also think that although the book may seem a bit high-falutin' in places, probably flatters the intelligence of the book group readers.  I am going on the basis of my book group... I know Muriel wouldn't like it (too much sex) and some of the others would find Lucy a bit wild, I think the Ann(e)s would like it, and Liz and Mary... with reservations.  It would provide a good topic for argument... so a good thing.

Editing the book in 2 days flat was a bit of a shocker - I found a couple of places where I'd repeated myself, thought Ch11 (or was it 10) really needed work - and thought that perhaps there were too many literary references.... oh dear. Also, now that I've got rid of the 1st person, I'm left with an accidental narrator and I'm not sure what to do.  I put some of the 1st person stuff into Lucy's "journal".  Quite a useful device... but the effect I had originally wanted, of the book being L's memories to some extent has gone...

What will the agent think?  Watch this space.... just hope she understands that I am willing to take instruction if she has any ideas on changes.

The Romantic Feminist again

Well - this morning there was a rather odd looking email in my inbox - in the title it said Contains sexual material... but it was from the last agent I sent TRF to.  And, mirabile dictu, she wants to see the rest of it.  I felt absolutely sick - how strange.  I am delighted of course, this is the first who wants to see the whole work and it doesn't mean she's going to take it on.  The reason I am sick is that I am part way through converting it from a partially 1st person narrative, to a completely 3rd person narrative.  And I know agents don't like to feel that they have been misled by authors.  So the plan is to get it sorted out tonight/tomorrow and get it to her tomorrow afternoon - or Friday.  Which is why this is a short entry.

On with the editing!

Shocks!

Yes, things are getting better, but there has been a setback on the health front.  I had a scan on Friday and saw a doctor afterwards, a new South African doctor I've never seen before.  He said there were 3 worrying things about my scan, I needed an immediate blood test to check my hormone levels, and he would get me a hospital appointment in 2 weeks "because of my age."

In the UK if there is a potential for cancer you get a hospital appointment in 2 weeks.  This is what they are worried about.  Officially I am completely blase about cancer - no one in my family has died of it (except my grandmother, when she was 91).  So I am enjoying the drama - although I am pretty sure it will be all right.  However, what is upsetting is how calm Mark was about it all.  I didn't get an arm around the shoulder or anything.  I was told I was always so brave.   I wonder if it is courage, or lack of imagination, or an uncanny ability to stick my head in the sand and ignore what is happening around me?  Actually, what is really happening is that I am getting on with things and believing nothing bad is happening.  Part of me wonders whether I have generated these symptoms myself to get a bit of sympathy.   It's all a bit useless really - when I do get sympathy I just feel embarassed.  Then later I feel cross and unhappy.

Why didn't Mark respond until I started crying - does he not have any independent feelings about me, but only takes his cue from me?  I was really unhappy on Friday night because he didn't seem to realise I might need a bit of special care because of the shock I'd had.   Yes, yes, I'm sure it's not cancer - but that doesn't mean I want him to ignore me.  I hate having to make a fuss to get attention.  Finn was heroic and gave me lots of spontaneous hugs - Ned did not, but showed some concern (like Mark, he's probably worrying about what will happen if I die).  Once I'd made a fuss (sobbing in bed when M was trying to sleep - how inconsiderate!) he began to amend his behaviour.   We even had quite a nice time on the weekend. 

On Sunday we went for a very quick drink at the Bellvue.  This is a pub which has a huge terrace overlooking Pegwell Bay.  It was incredibly warm about 15 degrees? - and windless, but rather hazy.  The tide was out, there was a slight, seaweedy smell and occasional bird calls, mostly oyster catchers, but there was a solitary curlew which we heard calling a couple of times. It was extraordinary for the end of November.  We have still had no frost here, and the leaves are still on the trees - lovely yellow and gold.  So beautiful.  So much for the very cold weather they keep promising.  Apparently like last year it will come in early November.

I spoke to A today - he has not yet gone to Java - he is sorting out his paperwork... oh dear.  He was meant to be coming for a drink tonight.  He didn't.  Mark is at a reception at St. Paul's Cathedral... very high powered, I hope he enjoys it.