Anniversary

We always celebrate the anniversary of our meeting - it is a nice thing to do.  But over the last few years it has not been celebrated, we don't have enough money to go out etc.  This year however, M has given me two nice presents... and according to Finn one was expensive.  I bought him two very boring little pressies.  I was looking forward to going out though.... anyway, he has cried off the dinner - and I am really disappointed.   I think I would rather have just a dinner then have presents - it's extra money and stuff we don't need.  Now, because I am tired and hungry, I feel a bit cheated so rather longing to eat something nice.  But we are having fish and chips instead.  Himself has gone off to snooze.   I hope I feel better after supper.  At the moment I just feel rather miserable.  I have been finding these festivities difficult since 2010 - I think part of the problem with our relationship was our lack of going out and having fun.  Now when we go out it feels like an enforced jollity - but we need to talk to each other.  I really enjoyed just having a drink on the terrace at the Bellvue a couple of weeks ago - doing something nice together, spontaneously.  This never happens, or almost never. 

Wish I didn't feel so gloomy about this.  It's that horrible feeling - I expect I'd have it about anyone I'd been with for 20 years - probably!