What can I say - there are so many and varied posts, but the ones that upset me are the ones that give me greater insight into people's unpleasant traits than I wanted to see... Of course this is particularly apparent with Mrs Thatcher's demise. The unholy glee, the grave dancing etc. has required a certain amount of explanation.
The one that has upset me today was put up by a friend of mine - a local friend (i.e. someone I know quite well but who has not been tested by time and tribulation). I think she's suffering from "faded looks syndrome" (something I've just invented but often observed). She repeatedly posts pictures of beautiful young people and beautiful objects. I felt that anyone who knew her would probably see what was going on there. God knows, we all suffer from the ravages of time - but you can always brush your hair and put on some lipstick (yes, I've finally succumbed to lipstick) and say toujours gai! like mehitabel the cat. But this friend was obviously very attractive when young and is probably having a bit of a sulk over that. Whereas I was never conventionally attractive, because I've always been "too fat" for most people's aesthetic... SO, today she put up a really nasty picture of a fat young woman wearing some rather unwise opaque tights with a thong underneath - this was a rearview - she was wearing something on top, and shoes, but it was a rather sad picture of a young woman who didn't have the confidence to refuse to wear the latest fashion, or a bold young woman who was wearing it ANYWAY... it wasn't a conventionally pretty sight at all, her legs were not particularly her loveliest feature - but she didn't know what her rear looked like - perhaps someone should have mentioned it before she went out that morning.
So some stupid bloke (you can see it's a bloke - his shadow appears next to hers in the picture) secretively takes a picture of her with his phone and now it's all over FB. And my friend, who is of course as skinny as an eel, has posted it there with the comment "New Weight Watchers advert". and then added her own comment below.
I have spent some time today looking at it and wondering why? And what to say? I can't get beyond something sarcastic and unkind - but I know she's a delicate flower - I'd probably make her cry; I also know she's a bit of meanie. What to do? Say nothing - but I think she ought to be challenged about this. After a bit of consultation with a mutual friend I put this up:
Would you want photos of yourself looking grim or badly dressed to be shared on FB along with some unknown person's superior comments? I blame the bloke who took the photo - but it's simply unkind to share it.
I hope that gets the message across, but without being too offensive - yes, I have called her unkind, but ain't that the truth? Perhaps she just doesn't think.
I've been slightly empowered by reading Susan Faludi's article about Shulamith Firestone in the New Yorker. There can be such a thing as female solidarity... but poor old SF suffered terribly from lack of it at certain points in her life. It reminded me of so many things - but most of all how we shouldn't let our feminist standards lapse, sadly it was of course a woman who needed to be reminded a bit about sisterhood (that's what I meant - I do see sisterhood as a politicised version of kindness - anyway here's the link http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/04/15/130415fa_fact_faludi
Update
This was her comment back:
The one that has upset me today was put up by a friend of mine - a local friend (i.e. someone I know quite well but who has not been tested by time and tribulation). I think she's suffering from "faded looks syndrome" (something I've just invented but often observed). She repeatedly posts pictures of beautiful young people and beautiful objects. I felt that anyone who knew her would probably see what was going on there. God knows, we all suffer from the ravages of time - but you can always brush your hair and put on some lipstick (yes, I've finally succumbed to lipstick) and say toujours gai! like mehitabel the cat. But this friend was obviously very attractive when young and is probably having a bit of a sulk over that. Whereas I was never conventionally attractive, because I've always been "too fat" for most people's aesthetic... SO, today she put up a really nasty picture of a fat young woman wearing some rather unwise opaque tights with a thong underneath - this was a rearview - she was wearing something on top, and shoes, but it was a rather sad picture of a young woman who didn't have the confidence to refuse to wear the latest fashion, or a bold young woman who was wearing it ANYWAY... it wasn't a conventionally pretty sight at all, her legs were not particularly her loveliest feature - but she didn't know what her rear looked like - perhaps someone should have mentioned it before she went out that morning.
So some stupid bloke (you can see it's a bloke - his shadow appears next to hers in the picture) secretively takes a picture of her with his phone and now it's all over FB. And my friend, who is of course as skinny as an eel, has posted it there with the comment "New Weight Watchers advert". and then added her own comment below.
I have spent some time today looking at it and wondering why? And what to say? I can't get beyond something sarcastic and unkind - but I know she's a delicate flower - I'd probably make her cry; I also know she's a bit of meanie. What to do? Say nothing - but I think she ought to be challenged about this. After a bit of consultation with a mutual friend I put this up:
Would you want photos of yourself looking grim or badly dressed to be shared on FB along with some unknown person's superior comments? I blame the bloke who took the photo - but it's simply unkind to share it.
I hope that gets the message across, but without being too offensive - yes, I have called her unkind, but ain't that the truth? Perhaps she just doesn't think.
I've been slightly empowered by reading Susan Faludi's article about Shulamith Firestone in the New Yorker. There can be such a thing as female solidarity... but poor old SF suffered terribly from lack of it at certain points in her life. It reminded me of so many things - but most of all how we shouldn't let our feminist standards lapse, sadly it was of course a woman who needed to be reminded a bit about sisterhood (that's what I meant - I do see sisterhood as a politicised version of kindness - anyway here's the link http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2013/04/15/130415fa_fact_faludi
Update
This was her comment back:
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