In vino,,,, veritas?

I dunno, been a useless, drifting really dreamy day - no doubt due to Venus trine Neptune - so not much work has been done, but I did try to root through my in-box and root out a lot of stuff.   I found a mysterious message to myself.  I had emailed my thoughts to myself because I wasn't sure else to put them.   The message mentioned a document I had been unable to download at the time (early January) and had then promptly forgotten about.   I downloaded it and read it.  It set off a train of thoughts, or rather encouraged a train of thoughts that was steaming quietly, waiting to go... and now I am feeling discontented.  For a fantasy, my historic relationship is rather persistent. 

Anyway, I had two tiny glasses of wine at supper and now I feel boozily woozy and full of things I don't really want to allow myself to feel.  Perhaps we shouldn't drink when there's a Neptune aspect.  I drank loads over the weekend without even noticing.  And now this.  It isn't true, that is, I have these feelings, but the fantasy isn't/can't be true.   Unfortunately reading a slightly detached account of someone's honeymoon that doesn't mention the partner in particularly tender terms and gives the impression that said partner had been a less than delightful companion...well, enough said.

Let's talk about the weekend, it was great, I gardened, planted and watered and put in seeds - really hope the eccremocarpus comes up.  I was going to go out to a nyckelharpa gig at the workshop, but my back dissolved when I was in the bath...and I suddennly wondered whether I could stand talking and socialising - and I had a 'period'... which could set me off on the menopause strand... but blimey, I was convinced it was over about a year ago, and it's still going.  Anovular I should think, so no chance of miracle baby - mind you we do the beast with two backs to each other (and our only sex toys are books).

So I let husb go out on Saturday night by himself, and I had a sudden wild thought "what if he meets someone?" First I thought "so be it!" then I thought "don't tempt fate!" And so I struggled to get dressed, because half of me thought I'd had some sort of prophetic insight... but by the time I got downstairs I was feeling feeble so I stumped back up again, rather annoying himself, so he then sniped at me for some time, and I felt anyone who was interested in him was welcome to him.   After he went out his mother called, and I don't have to spend Mother's Day dancing attendance on her, because she isn't coming.... meanwhile he called N's phone to apologise.  I had a lovely evening watching a rubbish film (10 Things I hate About You) and reading.  Finished Kim and read Edward Said's Introduction, which made me feel a bit guilty... I really must read Orientalism - I understand the theory, I don't always spot it.     When husb returned he had had a nice evening, spoke to a couple of people.... including our imagined cousin - the Parisian pupeteer who has the same surname as his great-great grandmother.

Sunday was great, althought the clocks went forward we got up reasonably early, I made lots of pancakes so boys were thrilled.  Then we drifted about, boys stayed home as usual, and we went to a boot sale, then it was nearly lunch time and we went to the Griffin's Head.  I think they've changed the chef, not so great now.  But we only had whitebait and a sarni.   Perhaps £7 for about 12 whitebait and some not very nice tartare sauce is rather steep for a pub around here... but I made matters worse by Thdrinking Macon Lugny by the glass... I thought I'd have one, but I had another...heigh-ho!  Then we had a jolly time going to the dump and getting rid of the garden rubbish, and came home to read papers in the garden. I made red-cooked beef and noodles and then we went out for a drink with AT.

AT is a distinguished Singaporean - the first Singaporean to be a BBC bureau chief.  Very self-obsessed, and I think he is really rather misogynistic.. Husb said "Have you ever heard him praise anyone - unless is was a woman's looks?"   Interesting that he noticed that.  He is so much better at spotting the negative than me - pity it isn't a marketable skill.