Throwing hands up in despair!

Stagnation - due to the horrors of this morning's business.  Day started badly, I slept badly, came down.  F was late, and an argument started with Husb - argument prolonged by husb, who wanted to make a point repeatedly, despite the obvious futility.  I left the table because I find these early morning arguments really hard to take and I find it hard to work after one. 

Then the dreaded contractor rang up and spoke to Husb. who got the wrong end of the stick, accused client of wasting our time, client accused us of wasting his time, Husb put phone down on client.   The client emailed me, promising everything we'd asked for, bar £300 - and Husb said he wasn't working for him, wasn't apologising to him etc. got furious, tearful and almost hysterical.  I talked him around, wrote emollient but demanding email to client - saying if we got the deal including the £300 we would be ready to start at 9.00 am tomorrow.... am awaiting reply.

So, on the one hand, sod the job!  But on the other hand, serious concern about Husb whose mental powers have always been very different from mine.  He does find it difficult to remember things, he gets confused, doesn't understand business stuff.  But he can do HBR and stone stuff and write a book - so he's not stupid.  But, but, but.... is he getting worse?  He says he's like his grandfather, and will be in the same amiable fog until he dies.  Perhaps so, but he got up in a foul mood for some reason.  And he's not able to detach emotionally from this kind of business stuff.   I did feel the client was bullying us - but M (who was bullied a lot at school) finds this sort of thing very much more emotional than I do.

I am understanding, and I am not immune from the 'not working because of emotional upset' behaviour - in fact, any excuse really.  But when this sort of thing happens it makes me wonder a lot of things.  Could he manage without me?   Is his brain going to carry on like this or get worse?  The absent-minded professor excuse can be offered - but some people think he's a bit weird.  And sometimes, it's frankly inadequate as an excuse, because his inability to 'get' certain things is a serious sign of aberration.  I do hope none of the boys' children inherit these traits.

I am torn.  He is so kind, and loving and humble and does so much that's helpful.   And also, he's very thoughtless and self-obsessed and dense frankly.  Finds it very difficult to learn new behaviours.    I have lost about 2 hours work because of this this morning, and I lost the afternoon yesterday for the same issue.   Maybe I should be worrying about how to coach myself out of this behaviour rather than worry about him.

The trouble is, the more dense and infuriating he is, the more I realise how vulnerable he is, and the more I feel unable to even contemplate leaving him.

I guess these teenage years with the boys are liable to be the worst years - I joke that we're waiting until they grow up before we divorce, but there's some truth in this.  I couldn't cope with them on my own - neither could he.  I mustn't start going around this circle again - life's too short.  Do something else.  It was helpful writing last night - and that is what I must do.   Avanti!