Reading while dead

Reading while dead

Thursday 18 August 2011

Wistful moments

On the way back from South Molton we came up the M5.  On a hill in the east was a deep orange glow.  I thought it must be a furnace or an industrial process of some sort (in England?  Absurd).  In fact it was a tremendous moonrise, complementing the tremendous (volcanic ash) orange and red sunset opposite.  Which reminded me that it was an Aquarius full moon - and thus might be said to be the end of some sort of cycle in my domestic life.  I have to say that the following day everyone behaved so foully that I rather wished I could divorce the whole lot of them and live in poverty somewhere.

I would like to leave them for about 3 weeks to see how they got on without me - and get on with some writing.   We used to have this fantasy about a gite trip - where I would get a one person gite near a village and write furiously.   Of course I would go mad, but I love the idea.  My other idea would be to get on a train and drift around Europe.

My father's spiritual diagnosis of me at present was what he calls possession by a "spirit of frustration".  I don't think there's anything especially spiritual about it at all.  For several years I know that I have felt trapped by my circumstances and yes, I am frustrated by the limitations of my life.   I did hope setting up some more business ventures would enable me to get a bit of money so that I could at least have some more freedom, but so far, not enough dosh is being generated. My frustration continues, and I continue to try and make the best of the circumstances, but some days it is not enough to satisfy me.

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