We went to London yesterday. It was an extraordinary day, in the middle of the day was a very pleasant time, bookended by two 3-1/2 hour journeys to and from Hammersmith.
In the morning we decided to drive to Hammersmith going into London from Kent and driving around the South Circular - this was pretty clear until we got to Dulwich, after which it became progressively more congested. Also, when we got to Fulham Broadway Dawes Road seemed to have disappeared - my fault with the map reading I expect. The traffic was painfully slow - we were an hour and a half late for Finn's fingerboarding event, so we dropped him, parked and rushed off to have fun - on the bus!
I used to love August in London, it was always quiet, the restaurants were empty, you could wander around the streets in Bloomsbury and Fitzrovia and always find a seat in your favourite pub - oh, dear, cue violins. This is no longer the case - it is stuffed with people. Clearly there is too much money in circulation.
Nowadays of course, London is not part of the UK as such - it has become a "world city". I.e. you can't tell what Londoners are wearing because you can't see many. Everyone is visiting - you can tell the Londoners by the harassed looks - they walk swiftly and try to avoid hoi polloi.
There seem to be retail outlets in every available space - the whole of Hammersmith Tube station is now one (if was a bit like the one under the Louvre, only smaller and the shops probably slightly tackier (not much in it though)). There were artificially-lit places to eat and drink - without an aspect of any kind. And everything was much much more expensive. We walked along part of Kensington High Street - there were lovely things to buy (never a problem in Ramsgate) and I was very conscious of how impossible it would be for us to live in London now - financially. OK, so this was Kensington - we saw a Patisserie Valerie and thought about having tea there - but the cakes looked a bit lumpy and mass produced (I remember when PV wasn't a chain), next door was a very bijou food shop - with matching prices, and around the corner was a lovely Ottolenghi shop - £4.20 for a nice gluten free choc. cake with thick icing... other things were more reasonable.
We had an elegant Italian lunch at The Ark - I explained its role in my history to Mark - how I used to walk past it on my way to school as a child - how it had always had a tiny menu - very bistroey - how we had discovered it as students as a place to eat that was bohemian smart and good and reasonable - serving Elizabeth David food - avocado vinaigrette, pate, soups, Boeuf Bourguinon, etc, and lemon sorbet - and how James always ate lemon sorbet and never tried anything else. And how, after eating there for years, we finally ate there when we had been to the counselling people in Kensington and where we agreed to divorce. I think he was a bit worried that history would repeat itself. In fact it was a really nice meal, only slightly marred because I misread the menu and ordered a really expensive wine (£33 for a Greco di Tufo seems rather unreasonable - last time I went there I think they still had house wines). We talked about all the stuff we used to talk about when we were relaxed - our ambitions and projects, and ideas about people and things. He was feeling positive towards me because on Friday night I had got into some interesting conversations at the Marine Studios - and he believes in TFY - even though he inevitably doesn't like it. He said he really admired me for writing a novel that was so honest about things - and how people - especially men - like to shut up about their past mistakes. Or tell themselves different more flattering versions of stories; he said he thought some men used this to manipulate people. I'm sure women do to, but traditionally women have less pride about themselves in some way - more interest in understanding people and how they work.
So the lunch was very much like old times - and we both agreed that we needed to do more of this somehow. He is - when he's on form, such a nice, perceptive man - but it's the everyday stuff that gets to me. Interestingly recently we heard a programme on the radio about ADHD - and the description of behaviour which seemed to match M perfectly - the disorganisation, short term memory, lack of a sense of priority - the need to have someone in their lives who organised them. My problem is that I not nurturing enough - I get a bit tired of it, I need someone to be more independent.
But you never get everything you want do you? So would I be better off with someone much more organised and focussed - but perhaps less sensitive and perceptive? Not that there is a choice of course, life doesn't usually work like that - but at least I recognise M's good qualities now - not suddenly noticing them years later - when I no longer have him (this is only a for instance).
Do I feel more committed to him as a result? I don't know, I just wish I wasn't so ground down by incessant demands on my time to actually have time to enjoy our relationship a bit.
By the time we were driving home we were snapping at each other again - although with less acerbity perhaps, more a sense of inevitability. I was cross because I missed the turn off to the M3 (we decided to go back via M3 - M25 - M20 etc. to see if it was quicker (it's further in mileage), and we ended up driving to Reigate to get onto the M25 which was virtually at a standstill. I was pretty cross. However, we found out later, that as a result of getting on to the motorway where we did, we avoided a 30 mile tailback - 30 miles?!! due to an accident - we had luckily arrived about a mile north of the incident so we only had to wait about 30 minutes before we got clear of the road (a lorry had crossed the central reservation). I remember C. once spent 7 hours on the M25 - which is one of the reasons I hate it (although in her case I would have got off and driven down the back roads). So in fact M's mad alternative route was an absolute blessing - and we could have been stuck on the M25 for considerably longer.
We are very lucky really - and although life is rather tough at the moment it is not as unpleasant as it could be. I am wondering whether to clear my study and fit it up as a bedroom for a student - it's tempting, especially if it was an older student.
Overall, the major thing I learned from the day is that, much as I loved London, I no longer wished to live there, because the traffic was so appalling it made one feel frustrated and powerless. We also decided that although it only takes 1 hour to get to Blackheath/Greenwich, we would never ever drive to West London again....
In the morning we decided to drive to Hammersmith going into London from Kent and driving around the South Circular - this was pretty clear until we got to Dulwich, after which it became progressively more congested. Also, when we got to Fulham Broadway Dawes Road seemed to have disappeared - my fault with the map reading I expect. The traffic was painfully slow - we were an hour and a half late for Finn's fingerboarding event, so we dropped him, parked and rushed off to have fun - on the bus!
I used to love August in London, it was always quiet, the restaurants were empty, you could wander around the streets in Bloomsbury and Fitzrovia and always find a seat in your favourite pub - oh, dear, cue violins. This is no longer the case - it is stuffed with people. Clearly there is too much money in circulation.
Nowadays of course, London is not part of the UK as such - it has become a "world city". I.e. you can't tell what Londoners are wearing because you can't see many. Everyone is visiting - you can tell the Londoners by the harassed looks - they walk swiftly and try to avoid hoi polloi.
There seem to be retail outlets in every available space - the whole of Hammersmith Tube station is now one (if was a bit like the one under the Louvre, only smaller and the shops probably slightly tackier (not much in it though)). There were artificially-lit places to eat and drink - without an aspect of any kind. And everything was much much more expensive. We walked along part of Kensington High Street - there were lovely things to buy (never a problem in Ramsgate) and I was very conscious of how impossible it would be for us to live in London now - financially. OK, so this was Kensington - we saw a Patisserie Valerie and thought about having tea there - but the cakes looked a bit lumpy and mass produced (I remember when PV wasn't a chain), next door was a very bijou food shop - with matching prices, and around the corner was a lovely Ottolenghi shop - £4.20 for a nice gluten free choc. cake with thick icing... other things were more reasonable.
We had an elegant Italian lunch at The Ark - I explained its role in my history to Mark - how I used to walk past it on my way to school as a child - how it had always had a tiny menu - very bistroey - how we had discovered it as students as a place to eat that was bohemian smart and good and reasonable - serving Elizabeth David food - avocado vinaigrette, pate, soups, Boeuf Bourguinon, etc, and lemon sorbet - and how James always ate lemon sorbet and never tried anything else. And how, after eating there for years, we finally ate there when we had been to the counselling people in Kensington and where we agreed to divorce. I think he was a bit worried that history would repeat itself. In fact it was a really nice meal, only slightly marred because I misread the menu and ordered a really expensive wine (£33 for a Greco di Tufo seems rather unreasonable - last time I went there I think they still had house wines). We talked about all the stuff we used to talk about when we were relaxed - our ambitions and projects, and ideas about people and things. He was feeling positive towards me because on Friday night I had got into some interesting conversations at the Marine Studios - and he believes in TFY - even though he inevitably doesn't like it. He said he really admired me for writing a novel that was so honest about things - and how people - especially men - like to shut up about their past mistakes. Or tell themselves different more flattering versions of stories; he said he thought some men used this to manipulate people. I'm sure women do to, but traditionally women have less pride about themselves in some way - more interest in understanding people and how they work.
So the lunch was very much like old times - and we both agreed that we needed to do more of this somehow. He is - when he's on form, such a nice, perceptive man - but it's the everyday stuff that gets to me. Interestingly recently we heard a programme on the radio about ADHD - and the description of behaviour which seemed to match M perfectly - the disorganisation, short term memory, lack of a sense of priority - the need to have someone in their lives who organised them. My problem is that I not nurturing enough - I get a bit tired of it, I need someone to be more independent.
But you never get everything you want do you? So would I be better off with someone much more organised and focussed - but perhaps less sensitive and perceptive? Not that there is a choice of course, life doesn't usually work like that - but at least I recognise M's good qualities now - not suddenly noticing them years later - when I no longer have him (this is only a for instance).
Do I feel more committed to him as a result? I don't know, I just wish I wasn't so ground down by incessant demands on my time to actually have time to enjoy our relationship a bit.
By the time we were driving home we were snapping at each other again - although with less acerbity perhaps, more a sense of inevitability. I was cross because I missed the turn off to the M3 (we decided to go back via M3 - M25 - M20 etc. to see if it was quicker (it's further in mileage), and we ended up driving to Reigate to get onto the M25 which was virtually at a standstill. I was pretty cross. However, we found out later, that as a result of getting on to the motorway where we did, we avoided a 30 mile tailback - 30 miles?!! due to an accident - we had luckily arrived about a mile north of the incident so we only had to wait about 30 minutes before we got clear of the road (a lorry had crossed the central reservation). I remember C. once spent 7 hours on the M25 - which is one of the reasons I hate it (although in her case I would have got off and driven down the back roads). So in fact M's mad alternative route was an absolute blessing - and we could have been stuck on the M25 for considerably longer.
We are very lucky really - and although life is rather tough at the moment it is not as unpleasant as it could be. I am wondering whether to clear my study and fit it up as a bedroom for a student - it's tempting, especially if it was an older student.
Overall, the major thing I learned from the day is that, much as I loved London, I no longer wished to live there, because the traffic was so appalling it made one feel frustrated and powerless. We also decided that although it only takes 1 hour to get to Blackheath/Greenwich, we would never ever drive to West London again....
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