I have always been interested in astrology - but it was something I renounced not long after Ned was born - I was persuaded by the more ardently Christian members of the family that it was the "devil's work" - and I ought to have faith in God. So I obeyed this - sold my expensive astrology books to second hand bookshops - I made about £60 from this - nearly 20 years ago, and actually disposed of one of them in a bin in Burgess Park (or did I just dream that?)
The fateful events of 2009 drove me back to astrology in a big way - and I felt my choice was vindicated as I consulted ephemeris charts, found that Uranus was heavily implicated in the turns of events that year. I thought that much of my "madness/love/delusion/creativity" that year was due to Neptune - things seemed to fit. Unfortunately it was not enough to be aware, I came to lean on it - and expect things from it. After my mother's death there was a crisis - partly because I had "predicted" her death that autumn - and I extricated myself a little - took a more objective view.
Then I became a follower of the dreaded Susan Miller. Having previously dealt with my own chart and transits - and found them helpful, if not particularly exciting, I was suddenly dragged into a wildly optimistic monthly outlook - which usually, around this stage in the month began to look increasingly ludicrous. This coincided with a point at which everything seemed to be coming up nettles - so I became fairly desperate for something to lighten the atmosphere. The lure was that she made everything sound as if this was going to be the time when the tide turned.
A few nights ago I decided I would give it up. (Until the September horoscope comes out). I felt it was feeding expectations and adding to depression (see blog passim.). It seemed to me that very few of the transits that were meant to be helpful were any help at all - Jupiter could do what it liked, nothing it did seemed to benefit me. I watched our domestic/financial situation go from bad to worse, while the skies beamed upon me and told me I was living through a fortunate phase... God save me from the predictions of disaster.
And yet... underlying the perky chat from S Miller, there was a sense that some things were allied with the stars - the need for hard work and resilience - the underlying gloom engendered by Pluto-Uranus square, (my 3rd and 5th houses at odds might explain why communication, creativity and family matters are not going well). And now, waking at 4 am and feeling the need to write this - while the Full Moon shines down. Some sort of ending, some sort of crisis. Having said all this, what difference will it make? Well, I have deleted a number of files - but I can't help hoping that the Jupiter sextile Mars transit will have a positive effect.
Am I an idiot?
Well, yes, in scientific rationalist terms I am an idiot - I don't mind being a fool for Christ - but being a fool for a transit of Saturn is ludicrous. On the other hand, I would have to be in complete denial if I didn't notice that there had been certain correlations at significant times in my life with planetary activity. Yes, I know... there isn't a direct "effect" - it's simply that the positions seem to reflect what's happening - not cause it. And if you see a particular pattern coming up - you can anticipate certain conditions. But the problem is not in our stars, but that we follow them, or believe in them too much. I would still love to believe in the Jupiter/Mars transit - but I am fed up with disappointments. And because of that, I will be reading my September horoscopes as usual, and wondering whether new moons will bring opportunities etc. and trying very hard to bury my hopes under several buckets of salty realism.
The fateful events of 2009 drove me back to astrology in a big way - and I felt my choice was vindicated as I consulted ephemeris charts, found that Uranus was heavily implicated in the turns of events that year. I thought that much of my "madness/love/delusion/creativity" that year was due to Neptune - things seemed to fit. Unfortunately it was not enough to be aware, I came to lean on it - and expect things from it. After my mother's death there was a crisis - partly because I had "predicted" her death that autumn - and I extricated myself a little - took a more objective view.
Then I became a follower of the dreaded Susan Miller. Having previously dealt with my own chart and transits - and found them helpful, if not particularly exciting, I was suddenly dragged into a wildly optimistic monthly outlook - which usually, around this stage in the month began to look increasingly ludicrous. This coincided with a point at which everything seemed to be coming up nettles - so I became fairly desperate for something to lighten the atmosphere. The lure was that she made everything sound as if this was going to be the time when the tide turned.
A few nights ago I decided I would give it up. (Until the September horoscope comes out). I felt it was feeding expectations and adding to depression (see blog passim.). It seemed to me that very few of the transits that were meant to be helpful were any help at all - Jupiter could do what it liked, nothing it did seemed to benefit me. I watched our domestic/financial situation go from bad to worse, while the skies beamed upon me and told me I was living through a fortunate phase... God save me from the predictions of disaster.
And yet... underlying the perky chat from S Miller, there was a sense that some things were allied with the stars - the need for hard work and resilience - the underlying gloom engendered by Pluto-Uranus square, (my 3rd and 5th houses at odds might explain why communication, creativity and family matters are not going well). And now, waking at 4 am and feeling the need to write this - while the Full Moon shines down. Some sort of ending, some sort of crisis. Having said all this, what difference will it make? Well, I have deleted a number of files - but I can't help hoping that the Jupiter sextile Mars transit will have a positive effect.
Am I an idiot?
Well, yes, in scientific rationalist terms I am an idiot - I don't mind being a fool for Christ - but being a fool for a transit of Saturn is ludicrous. On the other hand, I would have to be in complete denial if I didn't notice that there had been certain correlations at significant times in my life with planetary activity. Yes, I know... there isn't a direct "effect" - it's simply that the positions seem to reflect what's happening - not cause it. And if you see a particular pattern coming up - you can anticipate certain conditions. But the problem is not in our stars, but that we follow them, or believe in them too much. I would still love to believe in the Jupiter/Mars transit - but I am fed up with disappointments. And because of that, I will be reading my September horoscopes as usual, and wondering whether new moons will bring opportunities etc. and trying very hard to bury my hopes under several buckets of salty realism.
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