There's a rather comfortably off guy we've met over the last 3-4 years at parties, he and his wife have two places, a boat, etc. and we always get on very well, and we're always saying we must have them over and they say it would be great. Last year I finally got to ask them over, and then had to cancel because I was ill - it was during the great autumn virus last year. Since then we've seen them, I thought he seemed a little cool - but a lot of people are odd in their cups - and I later sent an email inviting them to select a date when we could re-convene the cancelled dinner party... I didn't get a reply, but I thought nothing of it, because they're always away and travelling and so on. It was vaguely in the back of my mind to do something, but then I thought, sod it! They've never said "no, you must come to us!" so I was only doing it for the sake of inviting our mutual friends together...
This evening, a mutual friend was over and said "You weren't at X's 60th party,."
I said we hadn't been invited, and I really wasn't that upset by it, I didn't feel hurt or excluded as I might have in the past. I just thought it was rude, because after all, they met him through us. Anyway, afterwards I thought, oh well, perhaps we're not in the address book so we slipped through the net. But what I chiefly feel is liberated, because I am now allowed to admit to myself that I never found him very interesting company, we didn't really have a common topic, and our last conversation had dwindled to platitudes (I'm sure he speaks very highly of me too!) so that particular dinner party threatened to be very hearty and butch and I am glad I no longer feel I have to have it. It isn't nice to feel liberated like this - but I suppose one must recognise that there are social/amical cul-de-sacs as well as emotional ones, and there's really no point in getting stuck in one.
What I am puzzling over a little is why I couldn't completely admit to myself that I found him a little boring before I had been slightly snubbed by him. There are some people one senses one isn't rich or smart enough for - so it isn't a surprise when they drop you one way or another. I'm sure we'll see them at parties again, but perhaps in the future we won't feel we the need to waste valuable conversation time with them. I think I have a residual loyalty to anyone who's ever made it into my address book - but that too can be yielded up when the relationship is clarified in this way.
This evening, a mutual friend was over and said "You weren't at X's 60th party,."
I said we hadn't been invited, and I really wasn't that upset by it, I didn't feel hurt or excluded as I might have in the past. I just thought it was rude, because after all, they met him through us. Anyway, afterwards I thought, oh well, perhaps we're not in the address book so we slipped through the net. But what I chiefly feel is liberated, because I am now allowed to admit to myself that I never found him very interesting company, we didn't really have a common topic, and our last conversation had dwindled to platitudes (I'm sure he speaks very highly of me too!) so that particular dinner party threatened to be very hearty and butch and I am glad I no longer feel I have to have it. It isn't nice to feel liberated like this - but I suppose one must recognise that there are social/amical cul-de-sacs as well as emotional ones, and there's really no point in getting stuck in one.
What I am puzzling over a little is why I couldn't completely admit to myself that I found him a little boring before I had been slightly snubbed by him. There are some people one senses one isn't rich or smart enough for - so it isn't a surprise when they drop you one way or another. I'm sure we'll see them at parties again, but perhaps in the future we won't feel we the need to waste valuable conversation time with them. I think I have a residual loyalty to anyone who's ever made it into my address book - but that too can be yielded up when the relationship is clarified in this way.
No comments:
Post a Comment