I don't know, for some reason found myself thinking about the artist formerly known as LO on the drive back from my father's. I kept having these thoughts - wondered if perhaps something would develop - some contact, something. Don't know why. Haven't particularly desired contact, and am pretty convinced that have undergone a sort of transference whereby all feelings once felt for LO have been moved to the character in the RF novel.
Felt very screwed up on Monday at my father's. He and my sister C have an almost medieval world view... I find myself unable to go along with things... it's as if they have adopted a simple narrative to explain everything, which leads to the same point. It is not that they are wrong exactly, just that they are interpreting everything in a very narrow way. The world is too full of different ideas and explanations for things for us to go with one slender narrative to explain things - in this case the spiritual one. For some reason ghosts were mentioned - "Evil spirits" they said... I just didn't bother to say anything. T came along and added to the irrational chorus.
And the irony is, I am not a rationalist, I am a Christian - I believe in God, the Resurrection and the life of the world to come and all that! But I am told by them that my world view is incorrect - or rather inadequate. The trouble is, there is a perfectly good theological argument in the gospels in favour of Christians believing the same things - but we can't, temperamentally, philosophically - does God really want us to turn ourselves into inward looking sets of exclusive brethren - each believing we have the truth...? I shouldn't think so - but I find it depressing being with them, because I can't share their beliefs. They would say these feelings are because I am being plagued by evil spirits - which really cheers me up. I cross myself and the feelings go - does that mean they were diabolical? Or what? No, it's not a coincidence - it works - but I think physically it maybe something to do with the fact that if one changes position one can change one's thoughts. Nevertheless, crossing oneself does seem to banish unhelpful thoughts - the madness of overthinking I've done in that house in the last few years - I think there's a sort of miasma there that just settles on me when I return. That's nice and rational isn't it?
Felt very screwed up on Monday at my father's. He and my sister C have an almost medieval world view... I find myself unable to go along with things... it's as if they have adopted a simple narrative to explain everything, which leads to the same point. It is not that they are wrong exactly, just that they are interpreting everything in a very narrow way. The world is too full of different ideas and explanations for things for us to go with one slender narrative to explain things - in this case the spiritual one. For some reason ghosts were mentioned - "Evil spirits" they said... I just didn't bother to say anything. T came along and added to the irrational chorus.
And the irony is, I am not a rationalist, I am a Christian - I believe in God, the Resurrection and the life of the world to come and all that! But I am told by them that my world view is incorrect - or rather inadequate. The trouble is, there is a perfectly good theological argument in the gospels in favour of Christians believing the same things - but we can't, temperamentally, philosophically - does God really want us to turn ourselves into inward looking sets of exclusive brethren - each believing we have the truth...? I shouldn't think so - but I find it depressing being with them, because I can't share their beliefs. They would say these feelings are because I am being plagued by evil spirits - which really cheers me up. I cross myself and the feelings go - does that mean they were diabolical? Or what? No, it's not a coincidence - it works - but I think physically it maybe something to do with the fact that if one changes position one can change one's thoughts. Nevertheless, crossing oneself does seem to banish unhelpful thoughts - the madness of overthinking I've done in that house in the last few years - I think there's a sort of miasma there that just settles on me when I return. That's nice and rational isn't it?
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