...but I will defend to the death your right to say it. That was a jolly useful bon mot of Voltaire's that we used to chant mindlessly at school, waving our copies of the Little Green Book of liberalism....
My latest FB ethical bind is this: you post a status, and someone comments - and then a bit later they post a status saying how infuriating they find it when people say what you said in your status... which you can obviously see since they are your "friend".... Do you (a) rise above it gracefully, (b) think, "I wondered whether I should have accepted the friend request of one so green in judgement (c) think "if he finds my comments upsetting, I shall quietly de-friend him, for both our sakes (d) write a rude comment on his status and start a row.
Being an irritable but not especially confrontational person, I opted for (c). I am now racked with misery thinking he might be upset - if he ever finds out, but since I am one of 500, I don't suppose he'll notice.
I am not particularly attacking this person, but generally wondering about free speech - and how one's opinions are often unpalatable to others. We all have to grow up and accept that there is a spectrum of interests going on out there, which we may dislike.
There is a delicate balance going on all the time. FB friends are not (quite often) actually your friends. I have met all but 1 of my FB friends, but there are several I have had very little to do with. There are quite a lot of close friends there as well. So I tend to talk freely on FB, because I feel I am talking to my friends.... and forget about the others who have only met the smiley, agreeable social me, and are unfamiliar with the black-hearted cynical political version. So these people are naturally shocked to hear my unfettered (and I think fairly uncontroversial opinions) because they don't know me well enough to understand why I hold them.
Then there is the political balance - I may be too left wing or something for some, while others find me a crusty old feminist, ie reactionary - I can imagine what would happen if I expressed certain well founded radical feminist opinions from the 70s... I would be torn to shreds by transgendered vegan Bacchae! And now I am beginning to sound like Auberon Waugh (talking of lost opinions from the 70s).. .
So the lesson is - FB is not your sitting room. Not only should you not enter threads that are antipathetic to you and sow dissension, you should not even express an opinion... Because, however much they use the word, many of your FB Friends are not actually Friends - they are social simulacra. Just keep on with the pictures of flowers, kittens and sunsets, and risk the occasional joke or cartoon and everyone will love you.
It's obvious really, but why has it taken me so long to understand? I suppose it's because I have such diverse chums on FB - there are religious ones, new Agey ones, environmental ones, lefty ones, anti-airport ones, animal rights campaigners, cyclists, arty ones, equal marriage fanatics, and I am used to having their emphatic opinions, prayers, campaigns and petitions in my News feed every day. I suppose some people don't have quite such diverse friendships - and therefore dislike hearing opinions they don't agree with. I find it hard to agree with everything, but it doesn't matter, it's still interesting to get a sense of where people's mental boundaries are..
Should I try to re-model my FB friends into a salon of intimes? Oh no, it's way too late for that. Talk to your friends? Try the telephone? Alternatively, I know some very nice bars....
My latest FB ethical bind is this: you post a status, and someone comments - and then a bit later they post a status saying how infuriating they find it when people say what you said in your status... which you can obviously see since they are your "friend".... Do you (a) rise above it gracefully, (b) think, "I wondered whether I should have accepted the friend request of one so green in judgement (c) think "if he finds my comments upsetting, I shall quietly de-friend him, for both our sakes (d) write a rude comment on his status and start a row.
Being an irritable but not especially confrontational person, I opted for (c). I am now racked with misery thinking he might be upset - if he ever finds out, but since I am one of 500, I don't suppose he'll notice.
I am not particularly attacking this person, but generally wondering about free speech - and how one's opinions are often unpalatable to others. We all have to grow up and accept that there is a spectrum of interests going on out there, which we may dislike.
There is a delicate balance going on all the time. FB friends are not (quite often) actually your friends. I have met all but 1 of my FB friends, but there are several I have had very little to do with. There are quite a lot of close friends there as well. So I tend to talk freely on FB, because I feel I am talking to my friends.... and forget about the others who have only met the smiley, agreeable social me, and are unfamiliar with the black-hearted cynical political version. So these people are naturally shocked to hear my unfettered (and I think fairly uncontroversial opinions) because they don't know me well enough to understand why I hold them.
Then there is the political balance - I may be too left wing or something for some, while others find me a crusty old feminist, ie reactionary - I can imagine what would happen if I expressed certain well founded radical feminist opinions from the 70s... I would be torn to shreds by transgendered vegan Bacchae! And now I am beginning to sound like Auberon Waugh (talking of lost opinions from the 70s).. .
So the lesson is - FB is not your sitting room. Not only should you not enter threads that are antipathetic to you and sow dissension, you should not even express an opinion... Because, however much they use the word, many of your FB Friends are not actually Friends - they are social simulacra. Just keep on with the pictures of flowers, kittens and sunsets, and risk the occasional joke or cartoon and everyone will love you.
It's obvious really, but why has it taken me so long to understand? I suppose it's because I have such diverse chums on FB - there are religious ones, new Agey ones, environmental ones, lefty ones, anti-airport ones, animal rights campaigners, cyclists, arty ones, equal marriage fanatics, and I am used to having their emphatic opinions, prayers, campaigns and petitions in my News feed every day. I suppose some people don't have quite such diverse friendships - and therefore dislike hearing opinions they don't agree with. I find it hard to agree with everything, but it doesn't matter, it's still interesting to get a sense of where people's mental boundaries are..
Should I try to re-model my FB friends into a salon of intimes? Oh no, it's way too late for that. Talk to your friends? Try the telephone? Alternatively, I know some very nice bars....
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