I always feel guilty when I eat out - I nearly always have, ever since the first fatal meal at Camden Lock when I was in my first year at university and had an unexpected bit of extra funding - I was horrified to discover that one could spend £12 on a meal, which involved a glass of kir, some wine and 3 courses of really nice food. I felt "this meal could have been sold and given to the poor" or something like that. In the last few years, when our finances have become so dire, one of the few just affordable pleasures is the occasional (very, very occasional) meal out. And today, having a surprise present from my father burning a hole in my pocket, we went out. (Don't worry, the mortgage payment is covered this month).
At first we went with no particular intention, we just wanted to go "out", away - escape from the open prison that is Thanet in the summer (this is our 4th summer with no holiday away, so I think we may be forgiven for going stir crazy a little). Eventually it emerged that we didn't want to go to Canterbury - I suggested we just drive in an aimless way and see what we came across - what we came across was a rather nice gastro-pub - it wasn't a complete accident! I knew it was there, but we discovered it wasn't set up for bar snacks, and the lunch menu was very delicious looking - and so on....
So we ate fantastic terrine de tete, sauce gribiche, roast lamb, smooth hound with samphire, and cheese, a modest amount of drink and coffee... It was utterly delicious and I remembered that sauce gribiche was rather a good thing which I'd forgotten about for some years. It cost slightly more than a day return on the Channel Tunnel (which we can't do anyway, as our passports have run out). We talked about our respective books and felt very relaxed and cheerful. Is £70 a lot to spend to buy that? We are both so tired, and miserable, and struggling - are we "worth it"? And what else should we do - I suppose we could have used the money to buy one of us a passport - it would have been a small contribution to our debts, we could have put it towards the mortgage arrears. But sometimes, even when the sun shines, life is still terribly grey and miserable - and £70 bought me a feeling of who I used to be, a sense of something more ample than everyday life and an agreeable feeling of being something more than a drudge.
We then had a beautiful drive home through fantastic sunny countryside, fields of wheat, deep woodlands, banks of rose bay willow herb. I felt happy, nostalgic and thought about the LO (drat him!). I really ought to be feeling guilty about that, perhaps the guilt I feel about a restaurant meal is transferred guilt about the LO - should not be thinking about him when enjoying a nice time with pleasant, interesting husband.
At first we went with no particular intention, we just wanted to go "out", away - escape from the open prison that is Thanet in the summer (this is our 4th summer with no holiday away, so I think we may be forgiven for going stir crazy a little). Eventually it emerged that we didn't want to go to Canterbury - I suggested we just drive in an aimless way and see what we came across - what we came across was a rather nice gastro-pub - it wasn't a complete accident! I knew it was there, but we discovered it wasn't set up for bar snacks, and the lunch menu was very delicious looking - and so on....
So we ate fantastic terrine de tete, sauce gribiche, roast lamb, smooth hound with samphire, and cheese, a modest amount of drink and coffee... It was utterly delicious and I remembered that sauce gribiche was rather a good thing which I'd forgotten about for some years. It cost slightly more than a day return on the Channel Tunnel (which we can't do anyway, as our passports have run out). We talked about our respective books and felt very relaxed and cheerful. Is £70 a lot to spend to buy that? We are both so tired, and miserable, and struggling - are we "worth it"? And what else should we do - I suppose we could have used the money to buy one of us a passport - it would have been a small contribution to our debts, we could have put it towards the mortgage arrears. But sometimes, even when the sun shines, life is still terribly grey and miserable - and £70 bought me a feeling of who I used to be, a sense of something more ample than everyday life and an agreeable feeling of being something more than a drudge.
We then had a beautiful drive home through fantastic sunny countryside, fields of wheat, deep woodlands, banks of rose bay willow herb. I felt happy, nostalgic and thought about the LO (drat him!). I really ought to be feeling guilty about that, perhaps the guilt I feel about a restaurant meal is transferred guilt about the LO - should not be thinking about him when enjoying a nice time with pleasant, interesting husband.
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