Have spent most of the day forcing myself to fill in a charity registration form online. It was tremendously tedious and I found it mind-numbing, especially when having composed a definition of our activities and their public benefit the website "timed out" and deleted the text, which, foolishly I had not composed in a document and so had no copy of.
I have such mixed feelings about the festival this year. I have lost my urge to "belong", to be part of something, which was part of my motive in getting involved...now all I want is to be left alone to get on with stuff. Eagle-eyed readers will have noted that I am not writing my book at present. This is because it is still the Easter hols and I have to keep the house nice, food on the table etc. etc. So I can't go into overdrive on TRF at the moment - but next week - once I have sorted out the alarming tax query.... OOOH.
I wanted to join the Ramsgate Arts thing because I thought it would be fun to work with other people doing something for the community - and it is, but as with so many things, I've got a bit bored with it. This is not RA's problem - the people are still nice, the ideas are still fun, but I do get bored with things. I guess I feel I've done as much as I can and it has nothing new to offer. It's probably not true, but what I feel is that what new things it can offer are not terribly exciting.
Boredom is a bit worrying - I've spent years saying "only the boring are bored" - this may be true of children, who have yet to experience much, but the fact is that I have experienced a certain amount, and sometimes repetition does not inspire much. I don't like to think that I am easily bored - I can watch creatures interacting for hours. But I worry that my boredom is rather selfish. Or do I? Perhaps I secretly exult in my boredom, secretly believing that it exists because I am such a very superior and sensitive creature... Actually, I think it's really a product of frustration - I'm not really bored as such, it's just that so much of my life consists of things I have to do for other people, that the annoyance I feel at not being able to do what I want manifests as boredom with it.
Than again, perhaps boredom is a natural state of mind - or anxiety? I mean that thinking too much would promote anxiety - so one needs to dope oneself into a state of boredom - therefore sudoku etc. were invented.
Is this coherent? I wonder. On writing, the fact is, I need to feel I have a bit period of freedom to write - so I tend not to write on days when I can only spare an hour or so (unless I have an overwhelming urge to get a scene or an idea down).
I have such mixed feelings about the festival this year. I have lost my urge to "belong", to be part of something, which was part of my motive in getting involved...now all I want is to be left alone to get on with stuff. Eagle-eyed readers will have noted that I am not writing my book at present. This is because it is still the Easter hols and I have to keep the house nice, food on the table etc. etc. So I can't go into overdrive on TRF at the moment - but next week - once I have sorted out the alarming tax query.... OOOH.
I wanted to join the Ramsgate Arts thing because I thought it would be fun to work with other people doing something for the community - and it is, but as with so many things, I've got a bit bored with it. This is not RA's problem - the people are still nice, the ideas are still fun, but I do get bored with things. I guess I feel I've done as much as I can and it has nothing new to offer. It's probably not true, but what I feel is that what new things it can offer are not terribly exciting.
Boredom is a bit worrying - I've spent years saying "only the boring are bored" - this may be true of children, who have yet to experience much, but the fact is that I have experienced a certain amount, and sometimes repetition does not inspire much. I don't like to think that I am easily bored - I can watch creatures interacting for hours. But I worry that my boredom is rather selfish. Or do I? Perhaps I secretly exult in my boredom, secretly believing that it exists because I am such a very superior and sensitive creature... Actually, I think it's really a product of frustration - I'm not really bored as such, it's just that so much of my life consists of things I have to do for other people, that the annoyance I feel at not being able to do what I want manifests as boredom with it.
Than again, perhaps boredom is a natural state of mind - or anxiety? I mean that thinking too much would promote anxiety - so one needs to dope oneself into a state of boredom - therefore sudoku etc. were invented.
Is this coherent? I wonder. On writing, the fact is, I need to feel I have a bit period of freedom to write - so I tend not to write on days when I can only spare an hour or so (unless I have an overwhelming urge to get a scene or an idea down).
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