I have been awake for an hour and a half; I stop myself worrying about specifics (money mostly) by playing Spider Solitaire while listening to the BBC World Service. It's rather more enjoyable usually than Radio 4, because Radio 4 news is all about the UK and European and US economy - which simply reinforces one's financial anxiety. The World Service however was not consoling this morning - since there were news stories of a saddening nature.
However, I then felt I ought to think about the positive things that this year's upheavals have brought. The arab spring ought to bring about some better results (although we will all feel differently if some really dire Islamic parties take power). Is that it? There must be other good news - but in my currently depressed state I cannot think of any.
I am not worrying about my operation, and biopsy - is that because they are too worrying? No, I think it's because I don't have a gut feeling that this is going to "go bad". Also because it would just be too ludicrous for me to get cancer too... there isn't any in my family, I don't think I've had any particular experiences which suggest I might be prone to it. If I didn't get cervical cancer when I was younger (and had a partner with genital warts) then I doubt if I've mysteriously developed it now. Of course, there's uterine and ovarian and endometrial to worry about too... but I don't.
I am vaguely worried about Christmas - whether I will get enough rest and relaxation. I am already feeling a bit tired, but have a plan! I will cook this morning and then take a break this afternoon - lie down and read. This is something I never do nowadays. I should just read and stop fiddling about with the computer, pretending to be doing stuff.
At the moment I am reading The Victorians by ANWilson which is deeply enjoyable and has performed a mind shift. I now understand why it was not a completely despicable thing to be a Tory/Conservative in the 19thC and why the Liberals were not necessarily a "Good Thing", since they tended to be laissez-faire urban mercantile capitalists - whose interest in modern ideas was often a bit like Henry Ford's "what's good for business is good for America" - ie not always interested in what was good for people, but what was good for themselves and their commercial interests. I am only surprised because I actually did O-level Victorian History and I remember none of this. I wondered what I did remember: the 1832 Reform act and the Chartists, the Irish Potato Famine, late 19thC social reforms, such as licensing laws etc. I don't remember anything about Crimea, I think we did the Boer Wars and the Jameson Raid... but the book is a revelation and full of juicy anecdotes. I have begun to like Carlyle and think it might be time for me to finally read Sartor Resartus which I have owned for about 30 years!
However, I then felt I ought to think about the positive things that this year's upheavals have brought. The arab spring ought to bring about some better results (although we will all feel differently if some really dire Islamic parties take power). Is that it? There must be other good news - but in my currently depressed state I cannot think of any.
I am not worrying about my operation, and biopsy - is that because they are too worrying? No, I think it's because I don't have a gut feeling that this is going to "go bad". Also because it would just be too ludicrous for me to get cancer too... there isn't any in my family, I don't think I've had any particular experiences which suggest I might be prone to it. If I didn't get cervical cancer when I was younger (and had a partner with genital warts) then I doubt if I've mysteriously developed it now. Of course, there's uterine and ovarian and endometrial to worry about too... but I don't.
I am vaguely worried about Christmas - whether I will get enough rest and relaxation. I am already feeling a bit tired, but have a plan! I will cook this morning and then take a break this afternoon - lie down and read. This is something I never do nowadays. I should just read and stop fiddling about with the computer, pretending to be doing stuff.
At the moment I am reading The Victorians by ANWilson which is deeply enjoyable and has performed a mind shift. I now understand why it was not a completely despicable thing to be a Tory/Conservative in the 19thC and why the Liberals were not necessarily a "Good Thing", since they tended to be laissez-faire urban mercantile capitalists - whose interest in modern ideas was often a bit like Henry Ford's "what's good for business is good for America" - ie not always interested in what was good for people, but what was good for themselves and their commercial interests. I am only surprised because I actually did O-level Victorian History and I remember none of this. I wondered what I did remember: the 1832 Reform act and the Chartists, the Irish Potato Famine, late 19thC social reforms, such as licensing laws etc. I don't remember anything about Crimea, I think we did the Boer Wars and the Jameson Raid... but the book is a revelation and full of juicy anecdotes. I have begun to like Carlyle and think it might be time for me to finally read Sartor Resartus which I have owned for about 30 years!
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